One of my least favorite words . . .

I’m currently dealing with a major adjustment. It’s not anything bad. It’s actually really good, but as many of you may know by reading my blogs . . . I am a creature of habit. The sky can be the wrong shade of blue and throw me off for the rest of the day. Clearly that’s an exaggeration (of sorts), but that’s really about how it goes.

I have my way of doing things, and my way works for me. Maybe it doesn’t always work as well as I’d like for it to, especially where blogging and responding (to anything) is concerned, but it works. I have my schedule, my routine. It took me a while to get all that figured out, to fall (or force myself) into a routine where I could work efficiently. When I stopped just writing books and jumped into blogging and all the ‘other stuff,’ that was another major adjustment – one I still hadn’t figured out but had finally accepted that I sort of couldn’t figure out and just had to go with. It took me a long time to find my routine, and when I did, I grabbed hold of it with iron fists. So . . . I have my routine, and it works.

I should be talking about it in past-tense, right? I really should.

So yeah. Adjustments. I’m not very exceptional at adjusting. I’m not even good at adjusting. I’d only consider myself passable at adjusting if there’s no time limit on how long is acceptable for whatever adjustment to take place. Even just writing the word adjust (like I did fifty times just now) makes me cringe. If my anxiety were a physical (living) thing, that particular word would be like little imps slingshotting rocks at its face. Maybe only few of them at first, until realizing that those imps are forcing said physical anxiety (I’m picturing it as a giant) to go a direction it doesn’t want to. I’m thinking as I write this that it should be the other way around – the anxiety should be a little imp. I suppose if it were as simple as being able to kick a tiny thing that’s pestering you, I likely wouldn’t have to deal with it at all. Such is life.

Wow, digress much, C?

Anyway, I just wanted to make sure I let everyone know why I’ve been sort of absent. I haven’t been out in my shed much, some days not even once. On the days I have been out here, it’s only been for a few hours at most. That’s unfortunately not long enough for me to get (or keep) caught up with things. (This has also unfortunately caused me to get behind on the Positivity Journal. >.<) I have quite a few messages/emails to respond to and I haven’t been able to figure out how to get out here for long enough to do all that. But it’s sort of like with the blog comments – I’d rather take a bit longer to respond and actually respond than just send a shortened thing back that seems to ignore absolutely everything someone said. I’m getting ready to go back inside in a bit, so to the few of you who’ve sent me long emails/messages, expect to be getting a ‘I’ll get to this ASAP’ message here shortly.

It’s going to take me a while to figure out how to make this work. Hopefully little can be put between ‘a’ and ‘while’ in the last sentence, but knowing me? Well . . . there’s no telling.

I’d imagine that whenever focus shifts again, that will force me back out here despite whatever is going on. And if you’re wondering what I’m talking about with ‘shifting focus’ then I’ll say that I’m hoping to start getting book 1 of the trilogy ready for release relatively soon. I have a date in mind (I always do), but whether or not I hit that one is going to depend on how soon I get it back. (Then how soon I get it back from the next person, and so on.) (Also, I’m not putting the date out there yet because I’m not sure whether I can manage to hit it.) But yeah, once I can start putting certain things with that in motion, that’ll pull me back out here for sure. Not saying that being out here while working on that would help with response times because . . . yeah, no. I am saying that being out here working on that might force me into a new routine which would (eventually) help.

I’ll just have to see how everything goes. Please be patient with me while I’m figuring this out. (Also, I’ll probably be on Twitter more so than anywhere else, strictly because it takes me less time.)

I hope everyone is having a super great weekend. I’ll be spending time with Husband, probably trying to get caught up on some TV shows. 🙂

(If any of this makes no sense that’s likely because I’m not entirely coherent yet. >.>)

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SO MUCH TO DO

I have a lot to do.

I’m trying to get them all separated into things I want to do and things I need to do. I don’t typically do posts where I lay out what I need to get accomplished, but I have to figure this out anyway and might as well make a post out of it. These are not writing/editing related. I have a list of those on my What’s in the works? page, and I update it occasionally. If you’re interested in what’s going on with me in that regard, you’re more than welcome to check that page out whenever and see if I’ve updated it. (I’ve been updating it every two weeks or so, roundabout. It’s more so for when I actually accomplish the goals on there.)

These are in no (real) particular order and have no set time limit (as I have no idea which order I want to tackle them in):

1) I need to get a mailing list sorted out. I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now, but I really need to get that done. It would strictly be to keep people informed about when I have a release. I might do a quarterly ‘newsletter’ as well, but wouldn’t post anything from that onto here or the same in reverse.

2) I need to get the questions I’ve received for the video Q&A into a cohesive list. (One that might travel in a relatively straight line to prevent me from getting too far sidetracked and end up rambling forever.) There are still a few more days before I’ll attempt to tackle that, if anyone else wants to contribute questions. Really, I welcome anything for it. You can check out the post if you haven’t already. (Also want to say a big THANK YOU to everyone that’s shown interest in it, and asked me questions. I really appreciate it.)

3) Decide whether I need to actually make all these spreadsheets I feel like I need to make, or if I can put that off for a little while longer.

4) Catch up with responding to things.

5) Get my sleep schedule sorted out because I really do not like being awake during the day.

6) Figure out how to get this muscle in my cheek to stop twitching. It’s extremely distracting. (I’m guessing it’s stress-related.)

7) Get a little more organized on Twitter.

8) Figure out a way to get organized in general that won’t take months upon months of cutting into my work time.

9) Reach out to more reviewers for Reave. (If you’re interested in that, let me know!)

10) Write up some rather important emails without causing more facial twitching for myself.

11) Get book 1 of the trilogy to the first beta-reader.

12) Figure out if I want to release that one next or between books 3 and 4 of the Reave Series. (Probably and preferably between 3&4, but that depends on several factors.)

13) Figure out what the hell I’m doing.

14) I really dislike odd numbers.

 

Okay, one more thing.

I haven’t ‘liked’ near enough pages with my personal Facebook account. I have a lot of blogging buddies on here and I would like to ‘like’ your pages. It’s MUCH easier for me to keep up with what’s going on with people by looking on there rather than on here (at least for now).

If I haven’t liked your page, please feel free to leave a link down in the comments and I’ll go do that.

Hope everyone is doing well!

Writing and Releasing . . .

I wasn’t actively writing on a different series around the time I released Reave. I honestly can’t remember what I was doing when it came time for me to say, “All right, this is what I’m focusing on and there’s nothing else in the world.” I don’t even think I was editing, but I could be wrong about that when considering all I did work-wise for months and months was EDITEDITEDIT. I honestly don’t know and I’m feeling too lazy to look back through my blog and check. Yes, I am that forgetful, where I would need to go through here to figure out what I was doing at any given time. (I know when I wrote whichever books, but apart from that, everything blurs.)

You see . . . I have a one-track mind. I do one thing until I’m done with it, then I move on. If I try to do something else, I’m constantly thinking about the one thing. That distracts me from doing anything else satisfactorily. Such is life. Anyway, I’ve been trying to get better with that, and there for a while . . . I was. I was doing the time-splitting thing, where I would be on here/Twitter/etc. for half my work hours, then editing (because I wasn’t writing at that time) for the rest. But the honest truth is that it drives me insane. I don’t like to be fixating on something when I’m doing something else. That worked better with editing than it did/does with writing. I get ‘editing-brain’ a few hours in, and everything turns into a haze of WORDS, so cutting the time isn’t a bad idea there. (Obviously it worked better when editing, because I haven’t been on here often since I started writing the new series.)

I’m on the second book of that new series (which—as of now—is comprised of an undetermined number of books), and I’m a pretty decent amount through it at that. It currently rests at about 40k words. That’s approximately halfway through where I typically leave them off when writing. By the time I’m through editing, they usually end up at around 100k. It works for me. I was going to explain about my editing and why it goes the way it does, but that’s a bigger digression than I intended in this so I’m just going to leave it now and save it for a different entry.

My point is that I’m right in the thick of this story. The first book (foundation) is over, and it’s getting bigger, more exciting, etc.

Here is my issue (of sorts, but not really):

New Series will have to be put on the back-burner while I refocus on the Reave Series. I’ll be having to get book 2 ready. After it’s released, I’ll do another edit of books 3 and 4 before anything else. That’s just the way it goes. I work in straight lines.

I’m wondering if that’s been my issue with writing over the past week and a half/two weeks or so. In the back of my mind, I know I’m getting ready to have to turn onto a different road and switch gears. I think I’m already sort of distancing myself from this new one, and yes, that’s all good and whatnot (it’s what I have to do). But it makes me sad. While the writing (so far) isn’t as good as I’ll say the trilogy I wrote between the Reave Series and this one was/is . . . it’s the most fun I’ve had since. At least the most consistent fun. It’s not as stressful as the trilogy was (and still is when editing). I don’t have the knowledge that I will NEVER RELEASE IT in my head like I did with the other trilogy I started between the trilogy I did finish and this. (Sorry, that was a bit confusing.) I’m sad because it’s been a thoroughly enjoyable experience thus far (apart from when I hit a brick wall at the beginning and spent a month trying to figure out how to get around it).

I guess that doesn’t matter.

The Reave Series gets top priority for now because out of ALL THESE BOOKS Herald (again, laptop) is storing for me . . . it’s the only one that’s RTG. (Or as close to ready-to-go as it currently can be.)

Don’t ask me what I’m going to do when I have the last bit of the Reave series RTG, along with the trilogy AND this new series. Admittedly, the latter probably won’t be at that point until book 4 is out. I say that, but who really knows? That will all depend on time between releases and how much attention I get to focus on it.

I only have one more edit on the trilogy before I’m ready for beta-readers to get their hands on it. I’m not going to do that until after I finish writing this one and do the first run-through of it. I should. I know I should, but still. Not gonna.

Wow, I rambled like crazy in this.

My apologies.

The entire point is that I’m having to switch gears.

Book 2 is already in the hands of a couple beta-readers, and the instant I get the first of those back . . .

I won’t be able to touch this new one for quite a while.

BUT . . . I am SO EXCITED that I’ll be releasing it soon. I like it so much better than the first, and I’m really looking forward to seeing if everyone else does as well. 🙂

End-note: After all the confusion of explaining which series and whatnot . . . I really feel like I should make a new page on here that explains all of them (as much as I will). Like, “Hey, this is what’s in the works, this is what I’ve done, and this is what I’m doing RIGHT NOW.” Then I could consistently update it (as much as I consistently update ANYTHING), and maybe it won’t be as confusing.

Maybe that would make it worse . . .

I don’t know.

Hm. Also thinking about making a FAQ page . . .

 

Sorry. This was all over the place.

I’m giving in . . .

should be doing my Friday music post today, but I’m not going to. I actually have a song I want to put up, but I’d just post this immediately after and I don’t want that song to get lost in the sauce, soooo . . . I’ll wait for it. (If anyone watches Psych, feel free to hear Shawn pulling one of his ‘wait for it’ moments there, even though it’s not really applicable. Just fun.)

This blog entry is part apology, part update, part . . . something.

I’ve fallen behind on everything. Email responses, messages, comments on here, Twitter. I’m just behind. I don’t know how it happened, really, but it totally did. So, I’m sorry for that.

I finished inputting the changes from this run-through of B3 (hitting the halfway point where adding became nearly impossible REALLY helped speed things up) just a few minutes ago. This means:

I am getting ready to start inputting the changes from the LAST edit of B4, so I can do another run(inch)-through of that one. (I’ll add here that I absolutely freaking DESPISE inputting changes). This means:

I will PROBABLY not be on here often.

A) Having to do two IC sessions in a row makes me EXTREMELY miserable (which is why I occasionally put them off until they need to be done). It will be DAYS of doing this (already a couple in), and that puts me in an EXTREMELY bad mood.

B) No matter how many times I go through B4 . . . I always get caught up in it. I can’t help it. It’s my favorite.

C) I started writing here and there the other day, just for an hour or two at a time. But what I was/am writing is a side-story to the Reave series, and it involves my favorite character (Aster does not count). Meaning . . . I want to write it. Granted, it’s sucking puh-retty bad at the moment, but still.

I don’t know what it is about the past week, but I just feel like I’ve been struggling to get a leg up on anything I need to do, and it’s been making me miserable. Yes, I’d been pretty good about keeping to the schedule, and that is a BIG accomplishment for me. But I think I just need to take a bit of time to myself right now and chill out. That does NOT mean I won’t be working. It means I WILL be working.

That also doesn’t mean that I won’t make posts on here, but I think I’m just stressing myself out with all the NEED-TO-DO’s. So while I’m doing all that book-related stuff, I’m going to be whittling away at the emails I need to respond to, the comments I need to respond to, etc. etc. I’m going to try to catch up rather than get myself farther behind, which is all I seem to be doing at the moment.

And I’m going to enjoy myself by going through B4 again after another miserable day or two spent on IC. I really, really hate doing that. I’m going to get started on that tonight, and hopefully will finish it up tomorrow if I power through.

But yeah, I might make a few posts here and there, and I’m going to get back to the schedule. I just don’t know if that’s going to be on this coming Wednesday or a month from now. I don’t know. I’ll be on here (and Twitter, etc.) when I can. I might not be gone long at all. I’m not sure yet. That will depend on how long it takes me to catch up on everything. (Yes, everyone can add here that it wouldn’t take me so long to respond to things if I didn’t write mini-novels almost every time.)

I really know I should be focusing on promotion and all that, but I suck at it anyway. So, if you’ve read Reave and like it . . . tell your friends and neighbors (and random people passing), please. I just need to take a bit of a break from feeling like I suck at life, and I’ve been living in a nearly-constant state of that for a while now (minus a few tiny spots of time here and there).

I might feel better about that at some point.

I’ve been trying to tell myself this entire time that ‘disappearing’ is bad, and that it wouldn’t help anything, but . . . I think it will. I need to get in a better headspace because there is absolutely no point in being miserable, and I’m making myself miserable with all the stressing.

Please be patient with me while I try to get caught up on all this, and . . .

Please don’t forget about me. :/

The first of the Monday Update posts . . .

Today is my first Monday Update post, and after writing two full entries that are going to rot in Draft Land . . . I THINK I’m starting to figure out why blogging occasionally frustrates me (very badly). (Not to mention I have a streak [not steak] on my glasses that I didn’t get cleaned off, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Maybe my problem with this particular post is that I have about five million (clear exaggeration) things I could/might possibly want to say. Maybe it’s my mood. Maybe my biggest problem with it is that, in some way, all I want to write for this entry is:

I JUST WANT TO WRITE A BOOK.

I’ll keep this short (for me), just to spare you until I get all these possible topics for Monday separated into smaller subjects that could potentially be written about at a later date.

What I’ve been doing lately is editing book 3 in the Reave series. One of my largest issues is not ‘fleshing things out’ so this second run-through since December is to do just that. (The first was more to fix technical errors.)

I added A LOT to book 2 (I’m not saying how much), and I need to make sure this one is on par with what I put in the last. The problem is book 3 is/will be the most difficult to do that with (for reasons I’m not going to say because releasing it is just too far off and I don’t want to spoil anything).

I’m also not going to say how many hours of work it’s taken me just to get to chapter eight, but . . . it’s a lot.

That’s what I’ll be doing work-wise for . . . a very long time (for me), if the hour-count per chapter holds.

Along with all that, I’ve been trying to catch up on here. I’ve neglected Twitter and Facebook (surprise, surprise). I’ve been struggling with pushing through my anxiety in order to do what I need to do for Reave (working on it). And I’ve also been struggling with the INTENSE desire to just fall off the face of the planet for a little while, workworkworkwork, then come back at some point.

It’s extremely difficult not to, and I just have to remind myself that I wouldn’t be doing Reave any favors in doing that. Then again, I’m not really doing it any favors currently anyway, given that I can’t even figure out 140 characters to promote it. That might be adding to the temptation to disappear. It’s just overwhelming and I feel I’m not doing any good anyway.

I probably shouldn’t even be blogging when I’m in a mood like this, but it’s showing no signs of stopping anytime soon and . . . well . . . at least it’s real. That has to count for something, right?

So that’s my life as of now, as far as updateable things go.

Hope everyone is doing well out there (and kicking any struggles one may find themselves going through in their frustrating [non] faces).

Also, Reave is now available on SmashWords. You can find it here: Look, I’m a link to Reave on SmashWords.

New Year’s Eve Breakfast Pie. O.o

It only seems a bit fitting that my 100th post on here is coming on the last day of the year. I can’t say I have a crapton of resolutions (I stopped making lists of those a long time ago), but I do have goals I intend on reaching in 2014. I’ll keep them to myself to ensure no jinxing takes place.

I can’t remember the first time I heard, “What you do on New Year’s is how you’ll spend the rest of your year.”

It’s BS, obviously. I can’t remember a single New Year’s that set the tone for an entire year. Still, on the off-chance that it might work this year, I have a plan for the next two days…

As I sit here eating my breakfast pie (yes, I am eating pie – my favorite pie, actually – for breakfast, and I am eating breakfast at 3PM), I’m determined to spend the next two days doing a few things. I’m going to edit the fourth (and last) book in the Reave series, because I effing love that one and I want to do it. I’m not going to freak out about how far behind I am at responding to comments on here, or on Twitter. I’m not going to stress out about Reave. In fact, I have absolutely zero intention of stressing out about anything. We’ll see if I can accomplish that, but it’s the plan.

So give me a couple more days to be behind and then I’ll catch up. I think I’ve given myself about a thousand more grey hairs (which will get dyed over when they grow out, just like the rest -_-) since Christmas eve alone, because all I’ve been doing is freaking out about how behind I am. So…I’m putting it out of my head to ensure I don’t lose my mind.

Gonna hang out with some of my family this evening. Do as much editing as I can fit in. And you know what? I might do a bit of gaming between now and the end of my little mental-well-being-break. I dunno. I might even eat more pie. We shall see.

Wish me luck on not stressing. And I wish that all of you have an absolutely spectacular New Year’s and new year. 🙂

Random holidayness and stuff. (*ding*)

After a few hectic days, things are trying to get settled back into normalcy. Husband and I went to visit his family Christmas Eve/early Christmas. It was really enjoyable (as always, because his family is awesome). Got to talk about Reave with some of his family, which (of course)…mind blown. I wonder if I’ll ever stop being surprised by people liking it, but…I don’t want to stop being surprised by it because I feel that would essentially make me an arrogant A-hole. Still, it would be nice if the level of surprise could go down just a smidgen or two. (Can there be two smidgens? I say there can be multiple smidgens regardless of knowing it would just be smaller or larger singular smidgens.)

It would be REALLY nice if my anxiety level could go down about…ten million smidgens (or one extremely large smidgen, which would not actually be a smidgen). It’s been pretty bad lately, even around my family (who I see all the time). I noticed a week or two ago that I’ve started having issues even with speaking to them (stammering badly). And I think my hands have been shaking for the past four or five days straight. I don’t even want to mention the amount of sweating that happened with the in-laws (AND IT WAS SO COLD UP THERE!). All of it’s just ridiculous, especially so with the people I see/interact with all the time. It might be general stress setting it off and making it worse, but I can’t be sure. Either way, all of you out there in BlogLand should be glad you don’t have to interact with me in person.

Speaking of interacting in person. I’m still not used to talking to people who have read my books (minus a very small handful of people), so that’s been really strange. Just talking to people (when I can manage to get a few sentences out without sounding like a complete moron) and them actually knowing what I’m talking about with it. Or more so them talking to me about something I wrote, which is just…insane.

(Or hearing, “So and so read your book and they loved it.” Crazy.)

In other news, I’m slowly conquering my fear of Twitter. I’ve even made a new best friend on there, so that’s cool. (You can find his website here, and it tells all about his books and whatnot. He’s super awesome, so you should definitely check that out, especially if you’re into Fantasy and YA genre(s).) Apparently I can make friends even with my general awkwardness and declarations of a person being moved to BFF status after a few interactions. Twitter can definitely be an interesting place. (Is it a place? >.>)

So yeah, the holiday was good, apart from being stuck in a car for hours upon hours, then having The Migraine From Hell for several days in a row. It hit me the worst Christmas day, which I’ll say was likely due to a lack of coffee, sleeping awkwardly on an air mattress, my neck being garbage, and my hair being ridiculously long again. I AM glad to be rid of the blond though…not that there’s anything wrong with blond hair, but I had for enough time to suit me. Wow, digress much?

As much as I enjoyed the past few days, I’m looking forward to getting back to work. I feel lost when I’m not doing it.

Also, I need to apologize to all my in-laws for having to deal with me. I’m still hoping I don’t come across like as big of a mess as I actually am…

Actually…I need to apologize to anyone who ever speaks to me in person about my book (or sometimes just speaks to me in general, but especially about the book). My mouth-filter doesn’t work very well when my brain is malfunctioning due to anxiety. So when you say, “I love your book!” and I say, “That’s surprising. I thought everyone would think it’s garbage,” what I REALLY mean is… “I’m so glad. You have no idea what that means to me.” Sometimes that filter malfunctioning even extends to my fingers, so yeah, I’ll occasionally type things of that nature too. Occasionally might be a bit of a slight under-exaggeration. I have problems. One of those is a rather large lack of faith in myself. Another of those is not taking compliments well. When you add those up…well, you usually get the word ‘garbage’ in some way or another. It’s been one of my favorites lately.

Also…When most of your Christmas presents include pajamas, fuzzy socks, Starbucks gift cards, and candy? Well…it makes you realize that some people know you pretty dag on well. 🙂

I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas (or whatever holiday(s) potentially celebrated recently), full of wonderful experiences that don’t involve you being unable to speak in a satisfactory way to your family, sweating, migraines, etc. 🙂