Bucket List

When I was younger (probably 17-18 or so), I wrote up a list of things I wanted to do in my life. That list, unfortunately, has been lost – along with any and all the endless amounts of notebooks I’ve had throughout the years. Shame. It’s an even bigger shame that I can’t remember the things on the list. Not really.

There were probably things like, Get a tattoo, or Travel to [some unknown place]. I’m sure it’s baffling to at least one person out there that I can’t even remember where I wanted to travel to seven or eight years ago. I can say that it likely included destinations where my friends were located then (as I used to have a LOT of friends scattered across the country, and still have a few of them, actually).

I can say that, since that time, I’m sure I’ve done a lot of the EASIER things on my list. I didn’t do things like, Bungee jump, or Skydive. I don’t want to do those now, and it baffles me why I ever wanted to.

I have several tattoos. I’ve been a lot of places (outside the continental US, but haven’t had my feet off American soil). I’ve lived in five states since age 17, and right on the border of another. I’ve visited more states than I care to count right now, for one reason or another (almost always involving seeing people that I knew more so than doing THINGS). I’ve gone snowboarding more than once. I’ve been to the top of a mountain (driving, not climbing, but that’s one experience I don’t care to do again as I was nearly having a panic attack the entire time). I’ve seen the northern lights in person. I’ve gone whitewater rafting. I’ve been in both the Atlantic and Pacific oceans. I’ve gone snorkeling. I’ve driven to the point of being utterly lost and found my way home without a map or GPS or smartphone, both literally and figuratively.

I’ve written a book (quite a lot more than a), which was always on the list.

I’ve done some things in my life. I used to do so many things on a whim. I’d get an idea in my head and just . . . do it. It made for some amazing experiences, I can’t deny that, but it also made for some amazingly bad experiences along the way.

I’ve realized that – most of the time – when you reminisce with people, you filter through the memories. You laugh about the good (laying on a blanket around a bonfire with some of your best friends, staring up at the stars, while people play guitar and make up ridiculous songs sang in a Schwarzenegger-like voice), and skirt around the bad. You skirt around the bad and the REALLY bad is rarely ever acknowledged.

It’s better that way, I think. You know what happened and why talk about it when you can laugh instead?

BF and I often reminisce, as we have about 16 years or so of life spent (mostly) together to reminisce over. I realized that . . . most of the time, when I speak with people who have been in my life for a long time . . . reminiscing is involved (as long as there’s time to catch up and get past the ‘how have you been the last several months?’).

I have a lot of things that I still want to do, rather than talking about things that I’ve done before. They’re different wants than they likely would’ve been when I sat down however many years ago to write the old list. Then again . . . I wouldn’t know.

I’ve seen a few people have those sorts of lists on here, and it made me really think about it.

Rather than randomly spout off the things I still want to do, I’m going to make a new list and put it on here. I will cross things off when I get to them. I may never get to most of them, but I’m going to try.

It’s much more difficult to do when you get older and have so many things to take care of, but it’s not impossible. It’s much more difficult when you set your sights higher, but it’s not impossible.

It might take me a few days to get it up, but that’s the goal.

Aim for the stars.

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Friday Music: A Silent Film – Let Them Feel Your Heartbeat

A Silent Film is, respectfully, my second-favorite band. Sometimes they’re not; sometimes they’re my favorite too. They’re the only band (in my mind) that is on par with the magnificence that is Geographer. Sometimes, I have my moments where I love them more (probably because I’ve been listening to them for longer and some of their songs are just . . . SPECIAL to me, I suppose you could say).

There is something about A Silent Film’s lyrics. They aren’t the poetic masterpieces that are Geographer’s lyrics (that will leave you guessing after first listen and still guessing after a year of listening). But they’re special. They’re so simple, but have so much behind them, I think. When I say that they’re simple, it’s not that they’re simplistic. It means I GET them. Sometimes it takes a good deal of thinking, but they’re GET-ABLE, if that makes sense. Geographer and A Silent Film sit at two polar opposite ends of that universe. One, I love for the mystery. The other, I love for the understanding. They clash and yet, somehow, they coexist with one another in opposite sides of my heart where they belong.

This song, for example – it’s by no means their most elaborate song (lyric-wise), but I absolutely LOVE it for it’s simplicity and the meaning behind things. To me, there isn’t much confusing when it comes to the points that A Silent Film gets across. Some of their songs have some of the most blatantly effing brilliant words ever. I will post one of those at some point, I can assure you, but I had to do this one first.

There is SOMETHING about this song. The message is so clear and it has some of my favorite lines in any song, ever.

The first line: The devil puts words in my mouth when we’re close.

Easy.

My ALL-TIME favorite bit is: The heart is deceitful above all things.
So desperately wicked, who can really know it? Are you listening?

Isn’t it just?

That’s why I love this song. Maybe it’s the lines, and maybe it’s the way the lines are delivered. Or maybe it’s the entire point of the song as a whole. I LOVE what it’s talking about. I love everything about it.

There’s SOMETHING. I guess this is just one of those songs that (like the one I posted a week ago) does something to me I can’t explain – makes me feel something, makes me think about something. Who knows?

Okay, okay, maybe I do know.

One of the most amazing things about music is that it can INSTANTLY transport you somewhere. It can make you think about a specific moment, a specific person, some random thing that happened that you forget about until you hear a lyric or a few beats. Every song I’ve listened to more than 20 times does that to me. And I think . . . I think most of my ‘moments’ when it comes to songs are some of the only secrets of my own that I keep. If a song means something to me, that’s because it makes me think about something. It might be insignificant to most people, but maybe not to me. Insignificant or not . . . I’d never tell.

Is the fact that I’ve listened to it . . . I’d say . . . likely 500 times or so any indication of how I feel about it?

I love it.

I think I just realized something. My memory slips constantly. I think I just realized that some things won’t ever slip from me.

The beauty of music. Gotta love it.