And Stuff . . .

It’s been a pretty great week here, which is always a fantastic thing to be able to say. I’ve got (most of) another week down in the Positivity Journal, which is good. I’m still not sure if that’s actually helping, but I’m still glad to be doing it. Maybe these last two weeks have just been better, or maybe writing down all that stuff is extremely beneficial for my state of mind. (It is.)

Surprising that it’s been less than a week since I posted on here last, which is good for me. It’s even more surprising that I feel like I have twenty million things to talk about.

I’ve been absolutely consumed with writing the last several days, to the point where I pretty much did nothing else. Seriously, pretty much nothing else. I’ve had bouts of LOTSAWRITING somewhat recently, but those were mostly due to trying to utilize what time I was giving myself to write. This week it’s been NEEDTOGETTHISOUT writing, where the story must be told and you really don’t have much of a choice but to do it. I kept telling myself that I had stuff I needed to do (always referred to as ‘other stuff’ in my PJ), that I was going to get behind again after pretty much getting caught up (whodathunkit?), but I was seriously concerned about losing momentum with this. And truth be told, I was just happy to feel like that again. (Where I was so excited about writing that I stayed up until my eyes felt like they’d turned to sand, then woke up a few hours later to get back to it and repeat the process.) I could probably (definitely) keep the rest of the series going in this way, but alas, responsibilities and all . . . (Can’t completely ignore one child [series] just because another is demanding attention.)

I’ve watched quite a bit of shows (somewhat) recently (though not during those few days of writing). Had to get Hulu so I could get caught up with Once Upon a Time before it came back on. STOKED about that now that I’ve finished season 3. While watching that, there kept being adverts for Sleepy Hollow, so I gave that a try and watched all of the first season. I was pleasantly surprised by that, mostly for the premise. (I do have to say that I wish I’d gotten hold of the script and whatnot before they filmed it. [If you stick your ring in the wall and it stays in the wall when it raises, how is your ring back on your finger when the wall stays up the entire time????????]) Sure, the acting could’ve been better (it did get better), but the whole concept was/is just super cool to me. Looking forward to that. (Also, as angry as the season ending made me, I have to give props to any show that can make my eye twitch due to the ending and my frustration over it. *cough* Lost *cough*)

I was going on IMDB to look up something a bit ago (I am on there a lot) and saw that James Corden will be taking over The Late Late Show. STOKED. I’d never been into those late night shows until a few months ago. Husband and I gave Conan a try (he used to watch it when he was younger) because nothing else was on. Then I got hooked. Then got frustrated due to how often Conan re-airs episodes so we started watching Jimmy Fallon now that we have Hulu and there’s a backlog of episodes. LOVE IT. Well, I love everything about it apart from ol’ whatshisface on there. (Still trying to figure out why hosts need a host????) Anyway, I saw James Corden when watching Doctor Who, so I’ll probably at least give that a try. (Glad I didn’t give up on those shows when catching a bit of Seth Myers before starting with Conan. And can I just add . . . Has ANYONE ELSE noticed that Seth Myers looks exactly like Ben Stiller????)

Anyway, all those shows have given me a somewhat different perspective on actors. Like Vin Diesel. I was pleasantly surprised by him. Still really dislike Jason Statham, no surprise there. (No, I do not like him.) It’s been pretty cool. (Can I also add . . . I want a baby Groot. So bad.) Good wind-down shows while I’m having my cup of milk before bed.

I’m excited about this week. I’m going to be spending the day with my mom (hopefully tomorrow), which I haven’t done in a while. I’ll also be getting to see some of my favorite people in the world (that I haven’t seen in an unacceptably long time).

Destiny is coming out, and I’ve been looking forward to that for . . . long time. Sure, they took the split-screen co-op out (WTF? GAAAAAH! >.<), but I’m still going to give it a shot. If I like it, Husband and I will have to buy ANOTHER copy (yaaaaay for money-drains!) to play it together. But I’m hoping it’s as good as it’s hyped up to be. Stoked, yet apprehensive. Trying not to get too stoked (because then I get the kind of upset where I start shouting about split-screen co-op being removed) because I don’t want to be disappointed . . .

Got some really fantastic reviews for Reave pretty recently, and that makes me super happy.

Also made a new friend, which also makes me super happy.

am starting to wonder if some of my real life friends have gotten completely fed up with my workaholic ways and have zero intention of ever speaking to me again. That doesn’t make me super happy.

Painted my nails a color called Blue Suede Shoes, which makes me want to wear my pair of blue suede heels (had to get them on principle). Not that I wear heels because . . . totally don’t. Not that not wearing heels stops me from purchasing heels because . . . totally doesn’t. I keep hoping that one day I’ll have an excuse to get out of my pajamas and out into the world, where people do stuff. The excuse would be a friend that would pull me out of my shed. Yeah, Husband and I need to get out more.

This is starting to turn into a generalized yet more thorough version of my PJ, so I should probably put a stop to this post despite feeling like I could go on (and on and on). I’ve just been in a good mood (which is a nice change from that horrible one that wouldn’t go away), so yeah. I’m thinking that getting consumed by writing has more to do with it than anything, but we shall see.

Hope everyone is doing super fantastically awesome and stuff.

(Apologies for any [non-purposeful] errors in this. I am extremely tired.)

Advertisements

Reviews (Thank You)

This is an extra post onto my weekly schedule, which I’m proud to say I’ve both accomplished and done completely on time for an entire week. I thought about waiting until Monday to write this up, but I already have a subject to discuss on Monday (shocking, I know), and this is fresh now. Extra is good, right? So is writing about something you feel the need to write about, when you feel the need to write about it. And I need to write about this now. Forgive the length in advance. It’s important.

I woke up this evening (yesterday, technically) to find another review for Reave up on Amazon. I was half-asleep and looking at it on my phone, so I had a moment of, “Does that say eleven now?”

It said eleven.

I read the newest one and did something similar to what I always do, which is shake my head a bit and sit (or lay) there in this state of disbelief.

I should say here that I have faith in my work. Not so much in myself. I’m self-deprecating by nature, and compliments pretty much roll right off my back if they’re related to me. That’s a subject for another post, but I feel it’s important for me to clarify the difference between anything negative I say having to do with me as a person, opposed to my work. It’s difficult to get the difference across when you’re saying the sort of stuff I do. So when I say, “My writing is crap,” (usually another word), I don’t mean that I feel my work is crap. I mean that I wish I could do better. It keeps me striving to do better. I always want to feel that.

Even though I have the utmost faith in my work (but I will add here that this series was difficult to set up with that first book, opposed to others I’ve written, due to circumstances in it and a limit of . . . well, everything), the positive feedback . . . it’s baffling.

I nitpick, and stuff still slips through. I nitpick and overlook things because I’m looking too closely at something else. There are some things technically wrong with that book that make me want to punch myself in the face. But . . . people are enjoying it anyway. And that is the point.

The mindset I have when writing stories has always and WILL always be characters first. I focus on characters first, story second (because they put in place themselves), writing third. So I’ll be totally honest and admit that I expected to get my first one-star review right off the bat. I expected some person to do what I do and tear that thing apart. It’ll happen one day, but today is apparently not that day. (If you’re hearing Aragorn shouting, “BUT IT IS NOT THIS DAY!” in your head right now, we have something in common.)

That first bad review is going to sting. I’m sure it will. I’ve heard that my self-deprecation can be very off-putting, so unless we’re talking in person (where I have essentially zero control over what comes out), you won’t know what my response will be when my writing gets torn apart. I’m not going to write it down on here. If you know me at all, I’m sure you could take a guess at it.

But bad reviews will never take away the feeling of a good one, not for me. It could be the worst review in the entire world, and it wouldn’t take the others away.

My biggest fear with it (it being Reave here) was that people wouldn’t get it. I worried people wouldn’t (or COULDN’T) relate to Aster. I worried some of the subjects would put people off. I worried things would be misinterpreted. I worried people would think it was too slow, or that it lacked ‘explosions’ (everybody loves explosions). I worried people wouldn’t be able to stand the writing style. I worried nobody would be able to make it past the first page. I worried and worried and worried about so many things (it’s what I do).

PEOPLE ARE ENJOYING IT.

So . . . this entry right here is for me to thank any and everyone who has spoken to me about my book, or left me a review. Waking up and finding a new one where someone says they couldn’t put my book down, or that Aster is an achievement as a heroine, that the characters were well-developed, that they were attached to it in some way, or rooting for Aster, or saying the only bad thing is that it ended and they can’t wait for the next.

Can’t wait for the next . . .

I’m shaking my head again.

I’ve been struggling a lot lately, not knowing how to ‘get it out there’ with this freaking debilitating anxiety I have. I’ve done a lot of struggling with a lot of things that run along those lines lately, and different ones that all lead back to the same issues: My ability or lack thereof. My faith in myself.

Before I published, I was constantly asking myself why I ever thought I could do this. After I published, it was more, ‘Can I do this well enough?’

So thank you, from the absolute bottom of my heart, to anyone who has taken some of their time to say one good word about my book, either to me or anyone you think might enjoy it, or in a review. Reviews (along with word of mouth) are the lifeblood of an author. They’re what point out to potential readers the good and bad things about whatever book they’re contemplating picking up. They can make all the difference in the world in that regard. But what you reviewers might not realize you’re doing in writing just a couple sentences is giving an author a little bit of faith in themselves, and a lot of validation in what they’re doing.

I don’t know most of you to thank you in person, and trust me when I say it wouldn’t come out right if I could (along with the fact that I might possibly be tearing up a bit as I write this).

I’ve spent the last several years of my life holed away, writing, and hoping that I would finally get to the point where I thought I was good enough for this. 99 people out of 100 could hate my work, but if that one person loved it? I would keep releasing books, just for the one.

I really can’t thank any of you enough for making me feel like I might be good enough to do what I love. You’ll never hear me say my writing is good. I’ve said many times that I’ll claim passable on a good day. But it’s good enough for somebody out there, and that’s more than enough for me.

I just have to make the connection that it equates to me being good enough, and I’m getting there, thanks to you.

(And for all of you who are looking forward to the second, I promise I’ll have it out as soon as I have the funds to cover it. It’ll be a bit, which is good because it’s currently in the hands of one of my best friends [who is pretty much the most spectacular beta-reader in the world, along with being one of the most spectacular people in the world]. But I’m hoping to get it out for you all soon.)