I got to write Day 7 on my Positivity Journal tonight. So it’s been one week of doing this experiment of sorts. I’m proud of myself for keeping with some unplanned, time-sucker. No, it doesn’t really take that long, but the half an hour or so I spend on it daily (nightly) could be spent doing things that some part of me might tell the other part are more ‘worthwhile’. Good thing I’m apparently choosing to ignore that part completely, because I really think this is helping.
No, I’m not magically running around thinking that everything is daisies and roses. (I’m not really a fan of daisies or roses, so I should probably use more personally-appropriate flower choices for that.) I do think it’s doing precisely what I wanted and intended for it to though, which is making me stop for a bit and break it all down. Not only that, but I’ve gotten to put a few things on there that I don’t want to forget. Having a laugh with people, and things like that.
This is telling me a little more about myself than I thought it would. As I said in the post where I was initially talking about doing this, I’m not writing feelings down and things along those lines. But I think this is probably the most ‘me’ that’s been written down in a very long time. Maybe it wouldn’t be so if I wasn’t putting +’s and -‘s next to things (along with a few other symbols that I made a key for), and it wasn’t so blatantly obvious how I feel about totally normal occurrences. I definitely don’t plan on anyone ever getting their hands on this.
It’s not that it’s all bad, but I’m really not used to writing anything about myself anymore. (Past these blog entries which are almost always about myself working.) At some point, I got pretty accustomed to only spilling less-than-pleasant aspects of my life/thoughts/feelings to my husband (and very few close friends). And there they sit on paper with little symbols, probably saying much more about how I feel and who I am as a person than any legitimate journal entry ever could or would. I wasn’t expecting that, which seems a bit silly in retrospect.
There have definitely been positives. Laughs, as I said. Comments made that I don’t want to forget. Communications. There was a quote I heard that really struck a chord with me, and it got its own special symbol that it – thus far – only shares with a pep talk I had to give myself halfway through the week. It’s almost funny what difference a few written words might potentially make with a person.
There have, of course, been some negatives. One, for acknowledging that sometimes . . . I’m a very bad friend. I lose track of time, and I don’t get back with people as soon as I’d like to. I don’t check on people as often as I’d like, even when I know things are/were going on with them that need checking on. It’s something to work on, and that’s not negative. I’m trying.
There was even realizing that I must’ve subconsciously put a negative next to something I’d intended to label as ‘random’ (with a dot) because I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. I supposed that said enough. Maybe sometimes I know better than I know. ha
All in all, it’s definitely been an experience – one that’s given me precisely what I hoped I would get from it and then some. This is me taking a small bit of my time daily to acknowledge my own life, rather than just my work life. So I’m giving into it, and getting back from it.
It’s definitely funny thinking that, with my writing . . . I’m a pantser. It’s the only time I don’t try to plan every minuscule aspect of life or what I’m doing, and I do it that way because it’s the only way that works for me. (I plan everything else.) Coming up with the Positivity Journal was completely random, and for once? I just went with it. With my stories, I always have to trust that the characters will work things out themselves. Even when I worry they can’t (or won’t), at some point along the journey with them, it always hits me that I do start to trust them. Maybe this random idea I went with that ended up being very good is only proof that sometimes . . . a little bit of pantsing in my own life might not be such a bad idea. Maybe sometimes, I just need to have a bit more trust in myself to get everything worked out. 🙂
(But if I never needed to sleep, I could get everything worked out much faster than what I do . . .)