My first experience with piracy, thus far. (Part Two)

I’m sitting here a few days after the fact still trying to process this. (If you’re just stopping by and don’t have a clue what I’m talking about – or what I will be talking about – you can read my previous post here.) I’ve gone through a pretty wide range of emotions since learning that Reave is being pirated, everything from outright fury to something I can only describe as down. Since putting word out there that this has happened, I’ve realized . . . it happens A LOT more than one would think. I’m not the sort of person that rationalizes bad things happening by saying, “This happens, and that makes it okay.”

I feel worse. It’s, “This happens way too much and it’s so far from okay.”

When most people are sick, they don’t wish for other people to get sick. (Unless you’re the sort of person that laughs maniacally for getting sick-germs all over a person’s face.) Most people don’t wish that.

How I’m feeling a few days after the fact is: Why does this have to happen? Why do we, as people, have to completely disregard others? Just . . . why? (I could also ask, ‘Why are you insisting on sneezing your sick-germs on my face?’)

We aren’t all like that, and I really would still like to believe that most people – when given the choice – will do the right thing. But there’s all this stuff going on everywhere, all this crazy, absolutely horrible stuff with people disregarding the person standing next to them. Worse, people blindly hating the person standing next to them. And for what? Because they’re different? How are we as a culture not past this by now?

I have my opinions on all that, those questions (and more). I have a lot of opinions, and I pretty much always keep mine to myself. I only share my opinions with a few select people who I know can and will respect them or won’t think differently of me because of them.

I don’t ever get opiniony (non-word) on my blog. I talk about work on my blog. But my work getting essentially stolen from me (still having a hard time grasping that) makes this work-related. Roundabout.

My husband started a new job recently. (That’s the adjustment mentioned several entries ago.) He has to deal with people at this new job. Now, my husband is great with people. He’s seriously the nicest person ever. (Not to mention that he’s extremely nice to look at along with that. It’s a conundrum, I know.) He’s so level-headed and relaxed about everything. (I have no idea how he can tolerate me.) Some of the stuff I’ve listened to him say when coming home is . . . . . . . . Well, it doesn’t give me much hope for the future of the human race, I’ll say that.

So I’ve been hearing that. I’ve been walking past when the TV is on the news (which I’ve always tried to avoid due to it inevitably making me unbearably sad). Then I had this happen to me, with the piracy. So there are quite a few pieces of straw on the camel’s back, if you will.

I’m so . . . disappointed.

To me, there’s a major difference between downloading a free book and being the one who steals someone’s work to make it available for those people to download. There’s a difference in that and being the facilitator (site).

There’s a difference between being the stander-by while your friend is pulling their pants down in front of kids (WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!) and being the one who’s doing it. There’s a difference between that and being the person who *tries* to physically assault someone for just doing their job because you decided to be an ass. (Is that literal enough?) (And by the way? *TRYING to physically assault veterans? Yeah . . . probably not the brightest idea ever.) (Can I ask . . . Who is raising these people to be this way?)

I’m not even going to get into what’s going on in the WORLD. But really?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

I usually write about this sort of stuff in my books – not these acts, thank god, but human nature. As much as I try to keep my distance from people (DO I NEED TO SAY WHY?), human nature is and will always be nothing short of fascinating to me. But let me tell ya . . . I would so much rather write about it.

Needless to say, I’m having a pretty difficult time trying to find the motivation to interact. I really just want to go into hermit-mode until I’m feeling better. I’m just really down right now, to be honest, and I really don’t like interacting when I’m down. That’s more so because I don’t like putting my stuff on other people than a legitimate desire to be away. If I’m down, I don’t want to drag anyone else there with me because that’s not right. And I always worry that if I try interacting while in that sort of mood, someone will be able to tell and might potentially feel bad right along with me. (Even if it’s just for the minute or two they might be reading whatever.)

I’m also sort of struggling with trying to get book 1 of the trilogy ready for release. I was super excited about it, and for right now? Yeah, kind of hard finding the usual energy in the tank for that.

With as much as I’ve heard this happens after telling about it happening to me, I’m wondering why I haven’t heard more about it. Like I’ve said, I’m extremely hesitant to say much of anything on here (about anything), so I’m wondering if that’s it. Nobody wants to make people angry or whatever. And I know there are the people out there who don’t care. (Exposure is exposure?) Or maybe I’m just missing posts about it. That’s possible. I’m pretty bad about that.

But you know, it’s not strictly the feeling of violation I’m going through. I’m worried. What if this illegal copy of my book has somehow been altered? What if it was messed with, these people download it, and it absolutely ruins my reputation? Is that reaching? Maybe. Do I think it’s a legitimate concern? Yes. There’s no way I could know as much because I’m not putting a virus on my computer (WITH ALL MY WORK ON IT) to find out. It’s possible, isn’t it?

It’s so scary thinking that you can put so much work into something and have it all ruined in an instant. It’s terrifying. That’s why I won’t give out information on upcoming books. I don’t want my ideas stolen. And apparently everything is fair game, right? Someone puts in all the effort and someone else messes it up? Right.

Human nature. *sigh*

I’ve warred with myself on posting this, and I’ll admit I warred with myself on leaving the initial post up. Nobody seems to be talking much about this out in the open, so is it taboo or something? But it’s like I said up top. I don’t believe that something happening or being ‘normal’ makes it okay. And I’m sorry (not sorry), but I’m just not okay with this sort of garbage happening.

We should have the right to say where our work goes and how it goes there. If we want our books to be free? They should be free. If we don’t want them free? They shouldn’t be available for free. (And again, I WILL GIVE OUT FREE E-BOOK COPIES.) That’s not wrong, and it’s not difficult.

I’m not angry at the people who downloaded it. I’m angry at whoever made it available. But ah, the joys of being separated by computer screens. Right?

Anyway. I don’t know what I’m going to do as of now. I might bury myself in writing. I might not. I really want to, just to sort of get my headspace readjusted. So if it takes me a while to get back with anyone, please don’t be upset with me. I’m trying to work through this. And to any/everyone else this has happened to? I am so sorry. I am genuinely sorry that anyone has had and will have to go through this. I wouldn’t wish this feeling or experience on anyone. We all work so hard.

I think we should all learn to cover our mouths when coughing/sneezing. Just saying.

 

(I had to go back into the previous post to clear one thing up where I was talking about my email address and spam. I just wanted to make sure I was being clear about it to ensure it wasn’t taken the wrong way.)

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Break.

I need one.

I haven’t really been taking one, despite my absent(ish) state from here and everywhere else. I’ve attempted to blog (I can’t tell you how much I added to my ‘drafts’ number). I’ve attempted to find things to say on my Facebook page (this is a spurt of not having much to say where the book is concerned). I’ve been good to manage random 140 character statements on Twitter every so often. I think trying to ‘force’ everything is making it worse, and there’s always this little thing in the back of my head telling me I need to be doing one thing when I’m doing another.

So this is what I’m going to do . . .

I’m going to intentionally disappear for a few days. Just a few days, and I think (hope) I’ll be good. I need to try and figure out a way to get out of the current headspace and into a better one. I SHOULD *CROSSING FINGERS* have my book back from the editor on Wednesday, and will start working on that if I do. If not, then I will be doing more waiting on that. We shall see.

I’m wondering if one of my biggest issues is that I haven’t actually WRITTEN anything (book-wise) in . . . almost a month. Just checked. I might try to get some writing in (I failed at that last night). I might just play some Diablo III. Not sure yet.

But I think a few days of trying to clear my head of as much of the . . . . . . . . . . stuff as I possibly can will be good for me.

Honestly, I think it goes past being ‘good’ for me. I feel, right now, that it’s absolutely necessary.

I WILL update anything going on (say, if I’m going through my book or something) on my Facebook page, if anything note-worthy happens over the next few days. I feel that’s about all I can currently manage.

I genuinely hope you’re all doing well. I know people say, “Don’t have too much fun without me.” But I’ll say, “Please. Have fun.”

Finished.

Well. Unexpectedness.

So I . . . finished that book already.

Wasn’t planning on that. I was planning on writing for at least five more days. I was planning on putting about 40k more words in it.

But I sat down last night – stuck in a horrible headspace – and wrote one chapter. Then I sat there, and sat there, and sat there. I wrote another chapter and then . . . it was just . . . done.

I had no say in the matter whatsoever.

I don’t have a clue where I’m going to go with it from here. Will I write another book from the same character’s perspective? Will I throw in a new main character?

Honestly, with this STUPID FREAKING HEADSPACE, I have half a mind to just leave it where it is. But the world is so vast – with so much potential – that I feel like I’d be robbing it of something amazing if I didn’t continue on. I don’t know. I’ll probably take a few days off (like I said), and attempt to regroup. Maybe something will come to me. Maybe it won’t. We’ll see.

All I know is that if I don’t somehow find a better mood to inhabit my body, I won’t feel like doing diddly.

I have two blog awards that I need to accept, which I have intent to do at some point during the next few days (after I’m feeling a little better). At the current point in time, I can’t bring myself to post them.

I think I’ve responded to all the comments I needed to on here. Checked out new followers, etc. (WELCOME TO MY MADNESS!)

I need to send a few emails and respond to some messages (badly – everything in my world gets neglected when I’m writing  – SORRY). I’ll probably do that this morning. Who knows?

Sorry to all for my bad mood. I probably shouldn’t even be posting anything, but isn’t the entire purpose of this blog to be like, “Hey. This is what’s going on with me writing-wise, and in general.”??

So this is what’s going on with me.

Unpleasant headspace. Finished writing the new book. Again, I’ll say it – I type fast, and I have a lot of time.

It’s always so surreal to me. I wonder if that feeling of finishing them will ever fade. Hopefully not. I guess when you know that you have months and months of editing after the writing . . . well . . . Yeah.

I should probably end this post.

Hope everybody is great. And I mean that. Sincerely. I wouldn’t wish these stupid moods on anyone.

Oh, I should thank J. Lau for inadvertently giving me a good laugh last night. After having a small commenting-conversation about hearing Matt Smith’s voice saying something . . . Well . . . I got a good laugh later, when thinking about it. That’s all I’ll say. So thanks J! Was definitely in need of that, for sure.

I think I’ll watch some Merlin (SEASON FIVE, FINALLY!) for a little while. If that doesn’t make me feel better, then I swear to all that is holy – absolutely nothing will.