I’ve done it . . .

I have actually let another person impact a decision, past what to eat for dinner.

Many of you who actually read my entries on here know that I’ve had a very difficult time trying to figure out if I wanted to attempt to publish traditionally, or if I wanted to self-publish.

None of you know how many times I’ve flopped back and forth about it. Seriously – I kid you not – every other day it will be the one, then the other. Throw small presses into the mix and you’ve got a very not-fun mix of things to flop over (and over and over and OVER) with. I’m sure many of you have been in that boat before. But I’m sure most of you – after doing the research – have been able to make the decision that was best for you. I couldn’t. I’m not kidding. There are pros and cons to all sides, which anybody who does a Google search will know. All those pros and cons evened themselves out with me.

When talking to people (especially my husband) about it, they tend to just go along with whatever you say. That’s not bad. Most people understand that a person will do whatever they want in any given situation, and trust that a person is capable of making the best decision for themselves. So when I call you at two in the morning almost screaming my lungs out about how I’m GOING TO SELF-PUBLISH, of COURSE you’re going to think, “That’s the best thing for her to do.”

I’ve done it. Yes. I have made those calls.

I have made those calls, slept on it, then woke up with a different outlook.

And if you read my post Balance, then you know (where I’m talking about my hair) that my husband is THE ULTIMATE agreer. Yes, I know agreer is not a word, but it should be.

So (after going through this for months on end) while laying in bed yesterday morning before sleep (yes, I said that correctly – I am nocturnal), I caved. I said, “Husband, I NEED your input here. All of these pros and cons are even. HELP ME, FOR GOD’S SAKE!” That is not verbatim, but it’s close enough to pass.

He thought on it. Just now, we had a conversation about it.

He wants me to try to get an agent. And he wants me to do that so I don’t lose my mind. Getting an agent . . . well . . . it’s damn near impossible to do, I know. I don’t think I REALLY realized how damn near impossible it actually WAS until recently. I’ve realized. The likelihood is . . . not good. I’ve accepted it.

I’ve accepted it and am backup-planning in my head.

But you know what?

Until my editor (WOOO) gets done with my book in . . . let’s see . . . my brain is NOT working right now. A little over two months. Yes. She’s starting it August 1st and will get done at the end of the month. So until she gets done with it, I will get to focus on my writing rather than stressing to the high heavens. I’ll take that.

So when I fail with getting an agent (I’m not being negative – only realistic) . . . I will cross that bridge when I get there. The good thing about being realistic is that you ALWAYS have a backup plan. But now, I’ve got a plan BEFORE the backup plan is necessary.

Thanks Husband.

How strange it was to just say, “Alright. If that’s what you think I should do . . . it’s what I’ll do.”

If you know me at all, then you will know that DOES NOT HAPPEN. Just saying.

Sorry. Figured I should get all that out there. It’s off to bed for me.

Hope everyone is having a lovely day.

🙂

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Balance

I’m a little over 36k words in on my new WIP – the one that I’ve actually been WORKING on. It took me a bit of time, but I’m finally getting pretty immersed into it which is both strange, and nice. It’s coming along. Still don’t know exactly where it’s going, but I’m hoping that the story lets me be done in one book, rather than four or six. I’m thinking I might tell different stories FROM that world in different books, but I can’t express how badly I want to resolve a specific character’s story quickly (even if only to prove to myself that I can do it).

So that’s why I’m behind on reading posts here. I’ve been writing, writing, writing – trying to find little moments here and there to catch up. I’m working on it.

It’s also why I haven’t asked for guest bloggers yet. Well that, partially, and because I’ve asked two of my friends (REAL LIFE FRIENDS! Yes, I have a few of those) to be the first ones. They’re both busy, but hopefully it will happen sometime relatively soon because they’re both exceptional (both as writers, and in general). Not saying that you’re not exceptional too. 🙂

I honestly don’t know how people manage to get so many things done while simultaneously doing other things. I feel like I’m running myself ragged right now. And it’s a LOT different this go-round (writing a book), now that I have so many other things to keep up with. The last time I was writing, I didn’t even have a cell phone. I got one during some stage of editing for the last series. Now I’ve got a phone which is constantly screaming game notifications at me (and the occasional text). Social networking, this blog. Writing a book, as many of you know, is such a consuming thing.

I’m trying to find a balance. Be patient with me . . . it might take me awhile.

I guess it’s just strange to me, wanting to crawl back into my little hermit-hole and feeling like I can’t do that anymore. This blog forces me to be OUT there when I want to retreat, and honestly? I’m grateful for that. It’s forcing me to realize that there is an entire world going on, outside of whatever world is taking place in my head at any given moment.

Change and adaptation are good things, as long as you’re changing/adapting in a positive way.

I need to learn how to balance. Hopefully it will happen.

In other news, I’m contemplating chopping all my hair off.

I’ve been thinking about a pixie cut for a very long time now, but I’m so worried. A) That I would hate it and spend three years of growing my hair out to fix it. B) That I will look like a boy. C) That people will take one look at my jawline and be like, “That chick could nom on some steel with that jaw.”

Husband is of no help with the decision. He would say he likes my hair short when it’s short, or long when it’s long. And of course my friends say that I’m being ridiculous, but how am I to know whether they’re saying that honestly or if they’re sitting there touching their fingers together and thinking, “You will look like a boy.” *cue internal maniacal laughter*

I don’t know.

That’s where I’m at.

Hope everyone has a wonderful morning/day/whatever.

🙂

 

 

Friendship: The magic of THE CLICK

I generally don’t tend to have ginormous blog revelations – brilliant things that I feel some unyielding need to write about on here.

I have had my first. It even got its own swanky title from the get-go, which is another first (I’m not good at following maps).

Friends.

Original, I know, right? Wait a minute . . . just hear me out.

We all have them. Maybe a hundred of them, maybe only one. Still, we’ve got them. And, chances are, if you added up your total of friends throughout the entirety of your life, you’d have a pretty dag on large list of names. Even introverts have someone to call their very own in Friend Land. If you don’t . . . then you probably need to get out more. I sit in a shed and write my years away and I’ve still got a few of them.

Now, we all know there are varying degrees and levels of friendship, and I’ll not get into the negative categories.

You’ve got:

The Acquaintance: The Acquaintance is nothing more than a passerby in your life. Someone you may stop and chat with for more than a hello when running into them at the grocery store. They’re the small-talkers, and they’re nothing more than that. At least not to you, and you to them. That’s fine and dandy.

The Old Friend: The Old Friend is much trickier than The Acquaintance. They’re your close friends from childhood – the ones you grew apart from at some point between eating dirt (figuratively speaking) and having a real, grown up life. They’re the ones that you’ll either smile and wave at (possibly followed by unbearably awkward small talk about how life has gone over the past ten or fifteen years while both of you force smiles at the forces of the universe for smashing you together in that very instant), or you’ll just tuck tail into the nearest safe aisle and hide (which is what I do. What? At least I’m honest).

The Fix-er-upper: This is the friendship that requires constant attention and work to maintain. It could be something beautiful, if both parties put in the appropriate level of determination required. But sometimes? Sometimes The Fix-er-uppers just won’t work out. There’s nothing wrong with that. It happens.

The Fader: This is someone who – for no rhyme or reason – simply . . . fades out of your life, and you from theirs. It happens as well. It’s inevitable. You’d be surprised when you’re young by how many sparks of brilliant friendships chock-full of potential turn into Faders.

The Rekindled: I love this one. This is someone who potentially faded, but then – at some point later – blew up like a firework in front of your face. Rekindled’s cannot be ignored. But they take the work of ensuring that neither party returns to The Fader so that they can become . . .

THE ULTIMATE OF FRIENDSHIPS

The Storm Weatherer: These are the people who stick with one another through every whirlwind and flying car that the world has brought upon you. The Storm Weatherers are the most we can ever hope to have from another person, and the most that we could aspire to be for them in return.

But this blog isn’t about the levels of friendship. This entry right here is about the ONE factor that seeps into every relationship in your life, friendship or otherwise.

The Click.

The Click is the most magical of feelings. It’s what will turn a completely rational and levelheaded person into an absolute wreck.

I know this because I’ve experienced it. I’ve witnessed it. I write it.

It’s the thing that solidifies the beginning of something that goes beyond the ordinary. It’s the thing that ensures that – no matter what level of friendship a person becomes – they stick with you forever. They have an overwhelming effect on you, and they change things. They’re the people you allow yourself to get close to, the people you lower your defenses for, and the only people I – personally – will let have any effect on me whatsoever.

And there are levels to The Click.

There are the Smaller-Clicks. The people you feel drawn to in some way for no particular reason, but you still find yourself interested in them nevertheless. They’re the blogs you read more religiously than the rest. The status updates that you make sure you read completely when scrolling through the list of nonsense on your news feed. I might not always comment on something, but I read any new stuff to be read from the Small-Clicks. They can easily *Level Up*.

There are the Medium-Clicks. Those are the people who you’ll find yourself speaking to more often than others. The people who you chat with on a somewhat regular basis. The people who you find yourself genuinely interested, not only in what they have to say, but in them as people.

Then there are THE BIG CLICKS.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been confused about those – especially when I was younger. I’m much stingier with my Big-Clicks now. A Click is still a Click though, regardless of whatever happens after.

My husband was – and still remains – the biggest Click that I’ve ever experienced in my life. We get along almost all of the time. Arguments pretty much don’t exist in my world anymore (and if you knew how argumentative I tend to be, you wouldn’t even believe that I could/would keep my mouth shut with a person). We just . . . fit.

And it’s the exact same with The Big-Click in friendships.

They make no sense.

I’m a firm believer that, if you cannot get along with a person on a basic level, then you should seriously evaluate the amount of time and energy you allow yourself to spend on them. There are billions of people in the world, so there has to be SOMEONE out there you can get along with.

But I’m going to be completely honest and say that it baffles my brain how any two people can get along with one another. Everyone has different opinions. Everyone has different beliefs. And we will FIGHT TO THE DEATH (!!!!!!!) for those two things, generally. The Clicks go so far beyond agreeing on those two things. The Clicks, in my mind, have diddly to do with those two things.

I’ll spare all of you some nonsense about past lives and those Clickers being close to us then too. I’ve heard crazier theories.

That’s just how insane it is to me – that feeling of so badly wanting another person to think of you the way that you think of them. We all want to feel The Click, and we all want to be special enough for someone to feel it because of us as well.

Even for an introvert like me . . . it’s a magical thing.

We should all take a minute to think about the people in our lives, to think about all the things they’ve done for us – no matter how small – and then let them know that it (along with the person) is appreciated. And we should all strive to be there for them, in the same way that they’ve been there for us.

So – to all of my Clickers and close friends . . .

Thank you.

🙂