Bad Headspace . . .

Being away for four or five days doesn’t seem very long at all. As I mentioned in the last post, sometimes I disappear for a month or so from everywhere just to write. That’s usually the only thing that stops me from being ANYWHERE for any (decently) substantial length of time. So I guess this newest (small) break (of sorts) was a pretty new sort of experience for me.

I’ve taken actual breaks before, where I don’t ‘work’ at all. Usually when a new video game comes out. I’ll spend a week or so playing it (bonus points for couch co-op because that means I get to spend time with Husband too). I’ll take a bit of time here and there when I’m waiting for other things to happen because . . . hey, might as well.

I know I’ve mentioned before that when I’m not working, I want to be working. (And will be ‘plotting’ (as much as I ever really can/do) books out while I’m doing other things.) The last few days haven’t been an exception in that regard, but there was one definite difference.

Usually, when I’m inside, I’m wanting to be in my shed. Even if I’m not writing at that point, or editing, I want to be out here because this is my space. This is where I check the rest of the world at the door and get to think about nothing but work. (Is it work if you love it?) The last few days have been an exception because I honestly just did not want to be out here.

I worded that wrong. I wanted to be out here. I just couldn’t.

It’s sort of weird (maybe) how it happened, but I’ve been in one of the worst headspaces I’ve occupied in a pretty long while. (It was a piling.)

It started with me getting utterly overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I have to do. I get frustrated at how long it takes me to do . . . pretty much everything. So I think I was just over-thinking a lot of these things. Asking, “How am I supposed to get all this done and have time to EVER write again?” rather than saying, “I just need to (mentally) shut up and do it.”

That alone would’ve been fine enough. I’m pretty used to having quite a bit on my plate. (Or am used to juggling multiple plates at once. Or, er, used to having multiple plates that I will ‘juggle’ one at a time of.)

I watched a TV show the other day, at the ‘start’ of this bad headspace. It’s probably wrong of me to do, but I’ve been blaming a not-so-good mood going from that to undeniably horrible on that show.

I started watching Cold Justice last season. I’m kind of weird with shows like that. Love detective shows, but some . . . no. (The way I explain it is: I have no issues seeing a [prop] head in a box, but I have issues if the show shows how said [prop] head ended up being in said box. Meaning, I don’t like/can’t watch CSI.) I watched a few episodes of Criminal Minds while my husband was deployed. Then I had to stop because, no matter how interesting the show was to me, it just got to be too much. (I’m weird about blood in shows/movies. I don’t mind seeing it there as long as I don’t have to see how it got there.)

Anyway, I love detective shows. I love trying to figure out who the bad guys are (usually do) and why they did what they did (usually do). But there are certain sorts of things that really . . . bother me. When I start thinking about real people doing the sorts of things I’m watching, whether or not it’s plausible, etc. . . . yeah, that really gets to me.

So yeah, Cold Justice. Even though that is them going around working on REAL cold cases . . . I’ve been pretty alright with it. Sure, there have been the moments of, “Oh my god,” or, “blah blah, that bastard, blah blah.” I don’t have the ‘disconnect’ that I have in shows like Sherlock, or Elementary, or The Mentalist (which used to be one of my favorites) because there’s no ‘this isn’t real’ barrier. I get angry a lot of the time, watching it.

Anyway, a few episodes ago, it was a check-up one. And they had John Walsh on there hosting.

So I got this bright idea to watch The Hunt with John Walsh.

Big mistake, C. BIG MISTAKE.

There I was, already at the beginning of a horrendous mood, and I watch an episode of that show. I almost cried. The entire show, I was almost in tears at just how . . . messed up (not wording that how I want) it all was. Then I was torn about how good it is to have stuff like that out there, when the ‘person’ is still on the loose. (I really hope someone catches that . . . . man. (Not wording that how I want to either.) I don’t care that he’s as old as the hills now. Don’t freaking care.)

I was genuinely upset. Then something frustrating happened while I was still trying to deal with all the not-good-feels from that. I went to sleep, woke up, got frustrated by something else, and the story moves on.

My point is that every time I thought I might be getting out of that headspace, something else would happen to pull me right back into it. (Many, many things over the few days.) I had all this stuff I needed (still need) to do, and I just couldn’t. I didn’t feel like I could deal with any of it, and I said something I have never once (to my knowledge) said before this point.

“I can’t even be out here right now.” (My shed.)

So I played Skyrim. That was what I did. No matter how frustrating that game is or can be, I really felt like I just couldn’t. I don’t ever really get to the ‘I can’t work at all’ point because I’m always wanting to write. Getting other things done means I can get back to it, so I’m always wanting to do something.

I’ve woken up every day of the last few thinking, ‘Maybe today will be the day [where I’ll be able to get back to it].’ And it just kept not-happening. Got upset yesterday when I went inside because feeling like I couldn’t be out here is just . . . not right.

The shed is, like I said, my place to check the world at the door. I didn’t like feeling it had turned into something else. (The place where I got completely overwhelmed by absolutely everything and could do absolutely everything apart from what I want to do [write].)

It took me a really long time with this to realize that taking breaks for myself is alright. When my anxiety sets off for whatever reasons it does . . . it’s okay to take some time and recenter myself. (I’m talking about when my anxiety gets me to the ‘I can’t function right now’ point, which it occasionally does.) I guess that even though I know as much, it’s still difficult for me to put all the stuff I need to do out of my head. But I really think that not letting myself get to where I have been this week is important. I don’t want to get to ‘shut down mode’ ever again. I honestly felt like I’d just . . . crashed. (When you open your laptop, ready to work, and it shuts itself down with updates only to take FIVE YEARS to reboot. That’s something to compare it to, only it was a crash rather than a reboot.)

So I’m popping in to say that I’m not completely done with this pseudo-break. I think I’m going to take the rest of this week (which is almost over) and next week as well. I’m going to write, and I’m going to try to make a REALISTIC schedule for myself. (For writing/blogging/etc./etc./etc./etc./etc./etc.) I also need to figure out how to rearrange these questions for the video Q&A in order to split it into separate ones. I’d already had them arranged a certain way. Anyway, that’s on the to-do list as well – trying to tackle all that.

I think that just setting up something I know I can tackle will be best for me. That way I’m not stressing out about absences (because everyone will expect them) and whatnot. I’ll still be able to write. Theoretically.

I WILL be posting something tomorrow, so check back for that (if you want to).

And I’m not saying that I won’t be stopping in anywhere this week, only that I might not. I will be trying to get caught up with responding to emails/messages/comments/etc.

Hopefully this schedule thing will work out.

Sorry this was so long.

 

The battle continues . . .

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Updates after an unplanned absence . . .

So, I’ve been completely absent for nearly a month now. I need to apologize for that.

(I’m sorry!)

It wasn’t planned. I wish I could blame Mercury being in retrograde again, but it is right now and honestly when it started is around the time I started getting everything straightened out. That would’ve made sense (or as much sense as Mercury in retrograde actually makes) as to what was going on with me several weeks ago. I don’t have the excuse.

Do you ever have one of those days where you’re just . . . bleh about everything? Of course you do. We all do.

I had a little more than a week of that. I don’t know what was up with it, but I seriously couldn’t force myself to do much of anything. I worked a little here and there, and just wasn’t feeling it no matter what I tried to work on. Wrote up a few blog posts during that time. Didn’t post them. Then I gave up and just played Skyrim until I felt a little more like myself. I take that back. I played Skyrim until I reached the point of, “I need to work regardless of how I feel. I’ve got too much s*** to do.” Then I worked until I felt more like myself.

I do have my theories to explain the weirdness. I think I was (and still am) overwhelmed. I was bogged down by not just trying to get this second book ready, but trying to get OTHER books ready (so I can eventually focus more attention on new things), also trying to work on new things, all the while trying to figure out how in the world to balance social stuff (at least the internet-sort). I’m used to working a lot (all the time) and prefer it that way, but I think I just hit some weird sort of breaking point that stole absolutely every bit of my motivation/drive. I did NOT like it. I’m used to being stoked to get out of bed every day so I can get to work.

There were also a few road blocks to getting book 2 ready, which left me kind of fumbling around not knowing what to do or what to say to anyone. So I stayed off everything until I would have something a bit more definitive to say.

Let’s see . . .

I have to delay book 2 a bit. Not long, but I was hoping to have it out within the next few days (with my projection). Not going to hit that projection. I don’t have a more set day yet, but I should be able to give everyone an update within a week or so. (*fingers crossed*)

I should have an update about the cover within the week as well. All I can say there is that it’s in the works.

I did (most of) another run-through of the trilogy. I’m currently part of the way through the last book, RIGHT AT the part where the time line flub starts. I wanted to be able to tell everyone I’d finally gotten that fixed, but I can’t because I haven’t.

I did some writing here and there on a few different things. The standalone short story that goes along with the Reave series, and also the ‘spin-off’ (of sorts). I actually got quite a lot done on the former of those.

Book 3 of the Reave Series is already in the hands of a beta-reader and has been for a couple weeks now. I’m really happy to report that people are liking the second book more than the first (LIKE ME!). I’m even happier to say that, last time I checked, my beta-reader was liking the third book even more than the second. (YAAAAAY! That’s SUCH a relief.)

Said beta-reader gave me cupcakes in exchange for B3, so I wasn’t joking before about taking bribes in all forms of cake. Not really. I was going to give her that one anyway, but I do love all forms of cake. By the way, THEY WERE THE MOST DELICIOUS CUPCAKES EVER. Not joking there, or exaggerating.

I passed on an opportunity to go back to Florida with my sister. I’ve been upset about that. I wanted to go, but there’s just TOO MUCH going on right now and I couldn’t justify being gone for ten days. Sad face.

I’ve been going back and forth about whether to release the third book in the Reave Series after the second, or to release the first in the trilogy. I haven’t decided yet. I’ve been wobbling about that for a few months now, but I’m leaning more toward first in the trilogy. That will all depend on a few variables, and I’ll keep you all updated either way.

Let’s see . . .

I went through books 3 & 4 in the RS as well during all this time. I didn’t print them out due to how few changes I made on book 2 the last run-through. Couldn’t justify ‘wasting’ money on the ink . . .

It gave me migraines. I hate going through books on screens, for so many reasons. I probably won’t do that again, ink costs or not. I really don’t know how people can use e-readers. >.< Well, I do know, but I just can’t do the ‘screen’ thing. I digress . . .

I think that’s really about it.

I just need to get my What’s in the works? page updated now to reflect all this and whatnot.

I’ll try to be on here a little more often. There will be a few days (hopefully soon) that I won’t be able to, due to busyness with B2, but I will definitely say something on here before that. I hope nobody else was bitten by the zero-motivation bug. That was seriously one of the worst things ever for me. I hope it never finds me again.

Oh, hello there.

I haven’t been on here in nearly a month. Coming off a three week break BEFORE this unannounced absence . . . I feel kind of bad.

As usual, I’ll spout off my excuses:

I was sick. I really was. For about two weeks or so, my body was bound and determined to keep me feeling like absolute garbage.

I’ve been writing. Granted, I have no idea how the writing went during the worst of that ‘I’m sick’ stuff. I’m guessing I’ll have to do a ridiculous (RIDICULOUS) amount of editing on it. Thing is . . . I do that anyway. No harm done there.

That’s really all that’s been going on here, for the most part. Made a few nail polishes and whatnot, and that was fun. I think I played Tropico one day, or maybe two. I honestly can’t remember. That might be due to the KICKING MIGRAINE I currently have (being unable to remember). Not sure.

Anyway, I’ve been trying to get as much writing as possible in on this new series. Given 3/4 of all my blog posts are me talking about how impossible I find ‘balancing’ . . . I suppose it makes sense that I haven’t been on here. It’s been really good for me, I think. It’s been a LONG while since I’ve had/made the time to get a substantial amount of writing done. And getting a substantial amount of writing done I am.

I’ll probably keep up this trend for at least a little while longer, depending on. Don’t ask me, “Depending on what?” because I honestly wouldn’t have an answer for that as of now. (I’ll add again about the migraine and how it’s hindering my ability to form proper thoughts. Don’t ask me why I’m even posting right now when I don’t have a clue what I’m saying.)

I need to update the links on the My Book section because Reave is available in more places than just Amazon. I should probably do that. I’ve been intending to for . . . a long while. During that long while, the thought process was: I should probably do that. I’m going to do that. Oh, hey, I’m doing this other thing that takes me all day rather than doing the thing that would take all of five minutes THEN that other thing.

I also need to check around and see if anyone wants to review Reave. I should probably do that as well. Yep.

Does anyone else get ridiculously stressed out over that sort of stuff? Like the, ‘I for real need to do this and not doing it stressing me out waaaaay worse than actually doing it or maybe it isn’t and maybe the other would stress me out worse and I just GAAAAAAAAAAAAH’ ??

Yes, that was an absolutely horrendous run-on sentence. I make no apologies. That was totally how it went down in my head, or . . . how it WOULD have, if my head was not currently torturing me.

I should really stop writing because pretty much all I’m talking about is my migraine.

I hope everyone has been doing well the last several weeks. If you haven’t been, I’m sorry and I would give you a hug if I could. Unless you’re like me and have issues with physical proximity, in which case we could all give one another a wide berth and call it a day.

Toodaloo.

(I probably shouldn’t be writing anything right now . . .)

 

Mercury In Retrograde?

I’ll admit I’d never even heard of that until recently, on some episode of a TV show that I can’t remember (horrible memory). I want to say it was The Big Bang Theory, but I could totally be wrong about that. While I’ll admit I find that sort of stuff interesting and used to check horoscopes often when I was younger, I’ve never really legitimately put stock in it. It was more, “Oh, wow. That describes me almost perfectly.” (If you look up the description of a Taurus? Yep, that’s me.) Or, “I had a day like that today. That’s kind of cool.”

Obviously I’ve been taking my break for a few weeks now, since the day after Mercury went into retrograde, apparently. And it’s a bit funny thinking about it now that I read an article an hour or so ago that said it is no longer IN retrograde. Or something. I could’ve read it wrong. I wasn’t paying too much attention.

I’d been feeling extremely overwhelmed in the week or so before that break began, partially due to making such little leeway with my workload and partially due to a personal issue that came up out of nowhere and seemed to push me over some cliff of partial insanity. So that day or so before I started the break, I really did feel insane and honestly just horrible. (If you couldn’t tell the ‘horrible’ by the tone of the last entry . . .)

Why the Mercury thing is so funny is because of the way the break went/has gone/whatever. I got a lot accomplished during that time, I suppose. I finished up this run-through of Book 4 in the Reave series, inputting changes included. That meant I FINALLY could start working on something else until Book 2 is closer to release.

I can’t tell you how unbelievably STOKED I was to be able to write, especially while on a break where everyone knew I wouldn’t be posting things, etc. That would give me DAYS of work-time where I didn’t have to do ANYTHING ELSE. I was stoked.

I did have a bit of a struggle with myself over what I SHOULD do. What I SHOULD do is another run-through of the trilogy I wrote last year, which I hope to release relatively soon. But I’ve essentially been editingeditingediting for months. It’s all I’ve been doing work-wise since before I released Reave. I wanted to WRITE.

So I sat down that first free day, messed around a bit with that standalone I started. I was unhappy with it for any number of reasons. Maybe because I already know what happens (and it has to happen precisely how it does, which makes getting it out difficult for me). Maybe because it’s about my favorite character in the series (apart from Aster) and I almost feel like that’s . . . hollowed ground (I mean no offense by that) and should not be stepped upon, even by me who MADE THE GROUND. I dunno, but either way, I soon turned meh about it.

The next day, I started writing what happens AFTER the series. That was all for my own amusement and I have zero intention of releasing it ever. (It would take a LOT of bribery. And for future reference, yes, I take any form of cake for bribing purposes). My mom said I might change my mind about that, but I doubt it. The series ends EXACTLY how it’s supposed to end, and again with the hollowed ground thing. Just felt wrong stepping past. Obviously I know what happens after, and that’s part of the problem. It’s been driving me insane for over a year and I just want it out of my head. Still, I doubt my own ability to do justice to it and where it sits now is perfect for a spin-off I plan on writing at some point.

I worked on that for about two days or so (which was a LOT of writing), then unexpectedly turned meh about that as well. Messing around with the Reave series just felt so wrong. And also . . . I’d like to write more books that I might intend to RELEASE. Makes sense, right?

SO.

I started a new series. This one has been playing around in my head since last year. I didn’t think I wanted to attempt tackling it yet because I’ve only wrote one series out of the ‘YA’ genre (that trilogy I mentioned) and I still find myself a bit uncomfortable with the things I’m comfortable with (or not). The cursing seems more natural, but I think there’s just something that’s telling me, “People are going to have problems with you dropping the F-bomb twice in the same speaking paragraph.” Oops. I don’t have control over them. They say/do what they want. That’s why it all seems more natural to me, because I’m not censoring them as much. I’ve also realized that no matter how much I enjoy reading in the YA genre, I enjoy writing OUT of it (apart from the stray sex scene that happens when out, which thinking about still makes me squeamish due to not wanting to pull the ‘cut-off’ card [GAH-THE WORDS!]).

Anyway, I wasn’t quite sure I was ready to tackle this series, but it was the one that wanted out of my head, so I started it.

So here I sat, and what happened? First page in I realized:  ‘. . . . . . . . This is not ANYTHING how I thought it would be.’

Then I went through a struggle of: ‘What am I going to do with this?’ ‘Where is this going?’ ‘Why am I acting like I have ANY say in where it goes?’ ‘WTF-Bomb am I even DOING?’

The next several days were spent with copious hours of me staring at Herald’s face (my laptop screen), trying to figure something out while knowing I only have so much say in what happens. The beginnings are always pretty difficult, before the characters are ‘fully-formed’. I have more of a say. The more control I lose, the easier it is to write. On day three (I think – again with the horrible memory), it started picking up a bit. Still not the usual pace, and I blamed that on my frustration over it CONSISTENTLY being not what I wanted it to. Granted, it might be better possibly than I thought (maybe in some ways), but that’s not the point.

The point is: Why do I let these stories drive me insane for a year (or YEARS), then sit down to write them only to have them turn out to be nothing like I expected? Yes, it’s surprising and that’s awesome (among other things). I repeat: YEARS. (What is up with all the colons in this?) I just wonder why I have to think about them for so long. It’s a bit frustrating . . .

I don’t know what happened, but the whole time I was away, I was battling with not being ‘in the mood’. Not in the mood for writing? WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME? I didn’t know.

So I took a break from my break. I went out of my shed, inside, and got Netflix just so I could finally watch Sherlock. That consumed my life for the last couple days. I’m not even going to get INTO Sherlock past that. Past that and saying again that I WANT BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH TO NARRATE MY LIFE. (You are typing. You are typing. You are drinking coffee.) Gah, that would be spectacular. Is it really asking for so much?

I’m digressing.

The entire break, I was having blogging withdrawals, which I count as a good sign. I’ve even typed up three separate entries to post, then didn’t because I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to END the break JUST THEN. I didn’t get as much writing done as I should have, after all.

While I’ll say the break was fantastic for getting into a different headspace than what I was, I’ll add that the one I got into wasn’t EXACTLY the goal. I wanted to utilize the time in the most productive ways I could, and . . . I didn’t really. I just wanted to play Fable and watch TV. I did get stuff done though, with the editing and whatnot.

But in three weeks (I think exactly), I should’ve been able to get a LOT more done than what I did. I believe the not-working at times was also good for me. I could debate with myself about the benefits of staring at Herald’s face for hours on end and how there doesn’t seem to be any apart from the stray paragraph or two added. But that’s a paragraph or two more than what I had before, and the NEED-TO-WORK part of me would rather that than stare at a TV screen doing nothing. (Adding again that obviously exceptions were made with Benedict Cumberbatch speaking.)

I woke up today and was like, “Yeah, okay. Gotta get back to all this other stuff. I really have to.” (Then the argument of, “But . . . . . I didn’t get all this stuff done that I wanted to.” Then the counter-argument of, “I gotta,” which put an end to my mental whining.)

The entire point of this RIDICULOUSLY LONG (apologies) entry was to say: I woke up today feeling more like myself. And I think it’s a bit ironic that I was an absolute mess version of not-myself during the ENTIRETY of Mercury being in retrograde.

So now I’ll add, “Damn you, Mercury. I blame you and your retrograding for my lack of utilizing time.”

In short, which I could’ve said from the get-go . . . I am now returned from my break and will be catching up with everything I said I would do and didn’t actually during it. Hope everyone has been well and that Mercury didn’t get to you too. 🙂

If you actually read all of this, feel free to imagine me either clapping or giving you a hug, whichever you’d rather. 🙂

Please excuse me while I stand in the ‘defeat corner’ . . . (Wednesday Randomness)

My newest plan has been foiled by an unexpected foe: Cold

(Isn’t that the way plans go? Yes, I know as much, but I still plan everything anyway.)

Obviously, it’s winter, and obviously Cold is expected to some degree (bad pun?). I’m not that stupid (Debatable after the pun? Does it help that it wasn’t intentional?), and trust me when I say that Cold and I are WELL acquainted.

Many of you know that I work in a shed. It’s a pretty nice shed. It has an AC that works well enough to keep Hot at bay in the summer (as long as I stick to my nocturnal schedule) and it’s well-equipped with measures to prevent Weather from causing too much trouble for me year-round, apart from insulation, which I’m sure would help IMMENSELY. But preventative measures only go so far, especially without insulation. And when Cold decides to strike rather than hang around, I only have two choices.

I can (not) grin and bear it, use up my supply of tissues due to my nose constantly leaking fluid (which seems to be more water than anything that typically constitutes as ‘nose fluid’), have my two heaters on full blast (until the breaker blows and leaves me in the dark for a bit), have my fish hand warmers (yes, they’re fish – one of the best gifts ever) on both hands (until I need to smoke or write something down at least, which requires alternating removal). I can handle it most days. I can (not) grin and be totally fine because I’m working and that’s what I love doing, even when my fingers feel like they’re going to break off anytime I touch anything. It’s fine.

It’s all fine until Cold actually strikes. I can (not) grin and sit here with all those things above, while my heaters try in futility to keep the temperature JUST ABOVE what it is past the second (first?) line of defense against Weather (and risk getting myself legitimately sick during). OR I can stop being so freaking stubborn, go inside, and be warm (apart from when I have to come outside to smoke and/or take my dog out).

Sounds like a good time, yes? Yes, it really does.

The thing is . . . I don’t TAKE time off. I might take a bit of time here or there to watch some TV with Husband. I might take off a bit here to chat with a friend or two (sometimes I multitask during, which only partially counts – either as work, or time off [and I suck so bad at multitasking that it’s hardly either thing]), or a bit there to do things that people have to do (eat, sleep, etc.) . . .

When I’m not working, I’m THINKING about working. I’m thinking about all the things I need to do, formulating a ‘plan of attack’ (an order to do those things). So time off really isn’t ‘time off’ for me. I’m either working in my head or feeling guilty about all the things I should be doing instead.

I haven’t taken a full day with no guilt in . . . I can’t even remember. (Guilt = not ‘time off’ . . . Planning = not ‘time off’ . . . An Hour or Two = not ‘time off’ because that is NOT enough to relax me)

I took one yesterday. A full day where I did nothing but watch some TV with my husband, and played hours upon hours of video games. I woke up and saw the temperature on my phone and basically said . . . well, I’m not going to say what I ‘said’ here because I try not to say anything too bad . . .

It was a series of four-letter words though, and I think that’s enough to go on . . .

Anyway, yesterday was pretty spectacular (and, alright, alright, I did do a bit of catching up on Twitter INSIDE [that was weird]). It was really nice to say, “I’ll do it later,”  while thinking, “I’ll do it later and that’s fine.” Rather than saying, “I’ll do it later,” while thinking, “OMGINEEDTOBEDOINGTHISRIGHTNOWHOWCANIBETAKINGTIMEOFFOMG.”

It was nice, and it really made me see that I . . . need to take breaks. I need to spend more time with my husband than eating and watching an episode or two of Modern Family during. I need to do that. I need to let myself enjoy things other than WORK. So . . . I think I’m going to start taking at least one day off every week, to spend with Husband. I think that will be good for my sanity (I’m also sure it would make him happy, and that’s a very good thing).

Unfortunately I woke up today and Weather had changed only the tiniest bit. Knowing I needed to get some things done today, I trudged out to Shed and thought, “I can stick it out for a few hours.”

Also unfortunately, a series of events happened which frustrated me to no end and I found myself thinking a set of words I never, ever think.

I just can’t be bothered with this right now.

(It didn’t help that the last time I’d been working with Herald [my laptop], I essentially stormed off in a fit of frustration, which MIGHT have carried over . . .)

So I went back inside, played more games, ate an unhealthy amount of white cheddar popcorn while playing those games (I’ve got skills, and apparently was lacking self-control today), made dinner with Husband, then came back out here now. And honestly . . . I’m still feeling like I can’t be bothered (Word is driving me insane).

Anyway, obviously Cold has hindered my plans to catch up on here (among about fifty other things I need to do), but like all things, it will pass and like all things, I will get it done. I will (not) grin and bear as much as I can of Cold until it decides to just hang out rather than punch me in the face. Then I WILL grin (no parenthetical aside needed) and not bear anything more than a ridiculous workload that seems like it will never, EVER lighten.

By the way, I sincerely hope no one is as cold as I am right now.

(I know it’s not Wednesday, but obviously I wasn’t out here to write this Wednesday, and this was ABOUT Wednesday, so . . . WEDNESDAY.)

Break.

I need one.

I haven’t really been taking one, despite my absent(ish) state from here and everywhere else. I’ve attempted to blog (I can’t tell you how much I added to my ‘drafts’ number). I’ve attempted to find things to say on my Facebook page (this is a spurt of not having much to say where the book is concerned). I’ve been good to manage random 140 character statements on Twitter every so often. I think trying to ‘force’ everything is making it worse, and there’s always this little thing in the back of my head telling me I need to be doing one thing when I’m doing another.

So this is what I’m going to do . . .

I’m going to intentionally disappear for a few days. Just a few days, and I think (hope) I’ll be good. I need to try and figure out a way to get out of the current headspace and into a better one. I SHOULD *CROSSING FINGERS* have my book back from the editor on Wednesday, and will start working on that if I do. If not, then I will be doing more waiting on that. We shall see.

I’m wondering if one of my biggest issues is that I haven’t actually WRITTEN anything (book-wise) in . . . almost a month. Just checked. I might try to get some writing in (I failed at that last night). I might just play some Diablo III. Not sure yet.

But I think a few days of trying to clear my head of as much of the . . . . . . . . . . stuff as I possibly can will be good for me.

Honestly, I think it goes past being ‘good’ for me. I feel, right now, that it’s absolutely necessary.

I WILL update anything going on (say, if I’m going through my book or something) on my Facebook page, if anything note-worthy happens over the next few days. I feel that’s about all I can currently manage.

I genuinely hope you’re all doing well. I know people say, “Don’t have too much fun without me.” But I’ll say, “Please. Have fun.”

The strange things people do in their sleep…

I do weird things in my sleep, or so I’ve heard.

It’s kind of funny, when thinking about it, that people who would be in the know about what I do in my sleep never deem it worthy to inform me of those things in a reasonable time frame.

I didn’t find out that I talk in my sleep until I was 22 years old – while my husband was deployed – and walked out into my parents living room one day only for them to ask me, “Were you talking on the phone last night?”

Um, no.

So, after being informed that they’d heard me talking, I decided to call Best Friend. I asked, “Do I talk in my sleep?”

Her response was, “Yeah.”

That was one of those how could I know that if you didn’t tell me?! moments.

Countless sleepovers throughout the years (we used to spend all weekend and nearly every day of summer and school breaks together), and she NEVER TOLD ME.

I’ve been known to sleep with my legs straight up in the air, tickle my arms, and do all sorts of EXTREMELY strange things. I think those two things are enough for anyone to know in that department. Too much, actually.

Yes, I tickle my arms in my sleep sometimes. I know it’s weird. TRUST ME; I know it’s weird.

Talking in my sleep was the most disturbing of things I’d heard I did by far. Needless to say that when my husband was preparing to return home from that deployment . . . I was afraid, despite having slept next to him for however long before that unwanted parting.

I’m unsure how long it took for Husband to inform me that I do not SPEAK in my sleep. I mumble – incoherent words that my brain must know, but not want let out. I’m a mumbler in general though, so I shouldn’t be so surprised. Still, I AM surprised, as my mouth is a constant frustration-inducer (it so rarely does what I want it to). I’ve mumble-sang in my sleep once before. That was interesting to hear about.

After so long of being irritated that nobody deemed these things worthy of telling me, I’m kind of glad now. Husband and I were talking about this a few days ago, and I got so uncomfortable at some of the things I do (the mumbling, which I wake him up doing because sometimes I apparently argue with myself, or some unknown person in my dreams [I call it fair because he wakes me up grinding his teeth and giving me the occasional *knee-jerk* in the rear], heavy sighs that also wake him up [I suppose I’m as discontent in my sleep as I tend to find myself while awake . . . such is the curse of nothing ever being good enough to suit me]) that I’d rather ignore the fact it happens at all.

Now, my husband also does some things in his sleep. There’s the teeth-grinding, which has lessened significantly from when he and I first met. But he, also, talks in his sleep. Not as often as I do, because I allegedly do it nearly every time I sleep, but when he does . . . it’s clear.

While in Alabama a few months ago, he woke me up doing such a thing and the only two words I heard were, “Soul cairn.” He’d been playing Skyrim and he loves video games in general (as do I, but his love for them goes above and beyond). What can I say? There’s not often that I can wake up out of a dead-sleep and laugh my ass off; I usually don’t consider myself awake until I’ve had my eyes open for at least an hour. I did that day. I laughed for several days about that. I’m laughing about it again now.

But there was a one or two week time period about two months ago that was just . . . unprecedented. I’ve only heard him say things in his sleep a few times (which might be due to the fact that I am generally a HEAVY sleeper), so when it happened three times in that time period . . . I don’t even know.

Once, he woke me up laughing. I asked, “What are you laughing at?”

He was dreaming about a dude on skis falling.

Once, while he was napping, I asked him where the extension cord was. He said, “It’s under the fish tank.” This was after we’d returned to Kentucky. Our fish tank is still in Alabama, with our former roommate. He didn’t know he’d said it until I managed to wake him up by VERY firmly saying, “THE FISH TANK IS NOT HERE.” He informed me he was dreaming about the fish tank that time.

The one that will forever stick with me was me walking into the bedroom to inform him I was going over to my mamaw’s to eat potato soup (I believe). He sat straight up in bed and literally almost shouted, “Good day!” at me. I thought he was saying it just to say it, as he seemed completely coherent and being strange/random isn’t off-base for him. Imagine my surprise later when I bring it up and get the scrunched-eyebrows-confused-face and, “Did I really?”

Good day! is now a running joke with us, understandably so.

I’ll probably regret posting about the weird things I do in my sleep, but who really cares?

Hopefully somebody gets a laugh out of it.