Blogging Problems . . .

I’ve been having a blogging problem lately. It’s not that I haven’t been on here, surprisingly enough. I’ve done a better job with that lately than I had been doing.

My problem is that I keep typing up entries, getting to a certain point, and then discarding them. It’s been leaving me very frustrated, needless to say. It’s possible that my issue is that I keep trying to talk about actual STUFF, rather than random stuff. I can’t get anything to come out right.

For those of you who have never gathered as much, I don’t blog how I write; I blog how I talk. Might be silly, in some ways (especially when trying to say, “Hey look. I’m competent. I promise,” given that I don’t speak very well), as most people look at blogging as sharing writing. And it is, yeah. But for me, blogging is more like sharing bits of yourself. I didn’t start this thing up however many months ago to share my writing. Books are how I intend to share my writing, and I’ve never been one for short stories and the like, which are more postable (*ding* New non-word). I started this up to interact. That’s just my purpose with it. Everybody has their own.

So, when going from rambling about news/random things and into thoughts and feelings (or frustrations and worries) . . . there becomes an issue. It’s probably because I don’t share my thoughts and feelings with everyone coming and going. I have a hard enough time sharing my thoughts and feelings with most people I’m close with. Then when you combine writing with sharing . . .

Well, it leaves me unhappy with the results.

Maybe that will come with time, and I DO feel more comfortable with blogging/sharing via blog than I did before. Maybe it won’t. I don’t know. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. Until then, I will continue being frustrated anytime I have anything of importance to say past sharing book-news.

Which, by the way, the photo shoot for the cover will take place in TWO DAYS. I’m stoked, seriously. I can’t wait to see the photos from it, choose one, and move forward.

. . . . .

I’m kind of comparing the entire feeling of this (in my head) to preparing to jump off a cliff. I’m standing way back and, as of right now, I’m at the ‘feet bouncing’ stage where I’m anticipating the running start. It’s almost time to start running. So close.

And it’s kind of funny when I’ve compared releasing the book to that (though it’s always me throwing it off a cliff, rather than any amount of jumping involved). So maybe it’s more like me running to the edge of the cliff then stopping and throwing it off.

Hm.

Yes, that’s what it’s like, I suppose.

As for blogging, I might try again later to get some of those things out. I might not. But for now, I intend to do some reading.

🙂

Friday Music: Morning Parade – Headlights

This is just a great song. I really don’t know what else to say about it.

No rambling for days about awesome lyrics, or how much I love the band or the song. Just listen to it (but only if you want to). 🙂

I might be tempted to ramble if I didn’t have a migraine, but alas . . . I do have one.

I hope everyone out there has an awesome Friday/weekend, as usual.

😀

One of the best things EVER.

I know it’s not Friday, thus making it entirely off the schedule for a music post. Given that this isn’t a DIFFERENT song (and really, last Friday was more of a joke than anything), I couldn’t help myself.

BF ‘got’ me this yesterday, because I’d shown her the real video the other day. I don’t know if her ‘giving’ it was due to how catchy the real song is, how hard I was laughing about it (tears) when I showed it to her, all the talking I was doing that day about the sort of music in the above video, or just because it’s so freaking beautiful and she knows me well enough to know I’d appreciate it immensely.

I also don’t know whether to be impressed or surprised that such a ridiculous song could result in this. Regardless of how catchy it is, how well those dudes sing, or any number of other things it has going for it . . . two totally different worlds.

This up here is MUCH more my speed, if you will. I do enjoy a good laugh, but speeds are speeds.

Now if I could only listen to this enough times that the words would stop playing over it in my head . . .

PS) I’ve been saying for a week that I want to somehow hire Benedict Cumberbatch to do an active narration of my life (THAT VOICE!). I’ve got the soundtrack now – those two. All three of them following me around would be absolutely fantastic.

A girl can dream, can’t she?

PSx2) I think I’m a little too old to refer to myself as a girl, ever.

Oops.

Self-publishing.

Yeah. I’m doing it.

I know, I know. I said I was going to attempt querying and do the whole shebang (get an agent and we all lived happily ever after with a picket fence and 2.4 dogs, er, kids).

Anyone who’s been following my blog for a little while knows I flopped back and forth about it (don’t we all?). I spent so much time weighing the pros and cons of each – carefully and meticulously – until all cons blurred with pros and pros were cons and cons were . . . um . . . what’s going on? That was basically how it went in my head for a very long time, so I told my husband to make a decision on it. I was content with that for about a day or two, and then the mental-flopping began again. I didn’t want to blog about it because I wanted to get it sorted in my head.

I realized, after speaking with so many people, that this was a decision only I could make.

I started looking into cover artists just for curiosities sake and found one that I LOVED.

For about four days, I did nothing but flop around mentally afterward. I mulled over the word author. I’ve said it before that I will NOT call myself one unless the word aspiring is in front of it. Not yet.

One night, I looked up the definition of it. I kind of had a moment. There was no ‘traditionally published’ in the definition, of course. For one of those days, I contemplated over the word – what it meant, what it meant to other people, and what it meant to me.

Rather than focus on pros and cons, I started focusing on why. Why did I want to be published traditionally? What was drawing me to self-publishing despite the stars and rainbows and glitter of the P and the T together?

When thinking about the why . . . it fell into place.

I don’t need a publishing contract to accomplish what I’ve wanted to accomplish with this. All I want is for ONE person out there to love my books – to make an impact on a person the way that some books have impacted me. I don’t need a P and a T together for that. I don’t.

So I made the decision about a week and a half ago and I haven’t looked back since.

There hasn’t been one single flop from me, or even one second of doubting the choice I’ve made.

I don’t like posting things on here unless they’re set in stone. I’m feeling comfortable with sharing now.

I’ve been arranging things with that love-inducing cover artist and the photographer. I love them both. Seriously. Details are being figured out and things are being put in motion.

My editor had to extend the date of finishing my novel, so I won’t have it back until early to mid-October. I’m trying to get everything done that can be done until that point.

As of now, I’m shooting for early December. That’s going to depend on how everything works out, but now . . . I’ll be able to keep you all updated.

It’s so freaking weird having things moving. I spent such a long time feeling like my entire world was at a standstill.

Anyway. No more waiting. It’s time to start letting them go. I’m worried, of course, but . . . I’m feeling good. I’m excited. I never thought I’d be more excited than stressed/nervous, but . . . I am.

Wish me luck. I’m definitely going to need it.

O.O

Friday Music: Daughter – Medicine

I’d been planning to do this song as the third Friday Music post for the past couple of weeks, and then I got torn over another song (that I heard for the first time about six years or so ago). There was a bit of confusion due to my technological ineptitude when it came to getting that particular song on here, so here we are. And it’s funny because, now that Friday has come around again, I really don’t think there’s any song more fitting currently than the one I’m sharing today. It’s just . . . appropriate, for right now.

The feel of the song is very . . . relevant, I suppose.

This song has been out for awhile, but I’ll admit that I only heard it for the first time several weeks ago when it was on So You Think You Can Dance. That’s my favorite reality television show, but due to cable box mishaps and frustrations, I missed a good chunk of this season (it’s one of few shows that I actually look forward to). I just so happened to be passing by on my way out to my shed to write one evening when it was on, and I caught the piece that now-eliminated-contestant Tucker danced with previous-contestant Robert, choreographed by Travis Wall (who is BRILLIANT, by the way). It was . . . beautiful. The story behind it was beautiful; the dancing was beautiful. It was just fantastic. But the thing that topped it off – as I’ve found goes with most routines on that show – was the music.

So, I listened to it several times on my phone while out in my shed that night, looked up the lyrics (to make sure I was hearing them correctly because I occasionally do NOT, even when they’re easy to understand), and did a lot of thinking over them. I feel this is a song that everyone can relate to, in some way or another, be it directly with themselves or something to do with someone close to them.

I think of it as straightforward with blurry lines. I love that.

Anyway, I’m going to also post a video of the dance that the two of them did below, in case anyone is interested in seeing it.

Happy Friday everyone, and have a lovely weekend.

Friday Music: A Silent Film – Let Them Feel Your Heartbeat

A Silent Film is, respectfully, my second-favorite band. Sometimes they’re not; sometimes they’re my favorite too. They’re the only band (in my mind) that is on par with the magnificence that is Geographer. Sometimes, I have my moments where I love them more (probably because I’ve been listening to them for longer and some of their songs are just . . . SPECIAL to me, I suppose you could say).

There is something about A Silent Film’s lyrics. They aren’t the poetic masterpieces that are Geographer’s lyrics (that will leave you guessing after first listen and still guessing after a year of listening). But they’re special. They’re so simple, but have so much behind them, I think. When I say that they’re simple, it’s not that they’re simplistic. It means I GET them. Sometimes it takes a good deal of thinking, but they’re GET-ABLE, if that makes sense. Geographer and A Silent Film sit at two polar opposite ends of that universe. One, I love for the mystery. The other, I love for the understanding. They clash and yet, somehow, they coexist with one another in opposite sides of my heart where they belong.

This song, for example – it’s by no means their most elaborate song (lyric-wise), but I absolutely LOVE it for it’s simplicity and the meaning behind things. To me, there isn’t much confusing when it comes to the points that A Silent Film gets across. Some of their songs have some of the most blatantly effing brilliant words ever. I will post one of those at some point, I can assure you, but I had to do this one first.

There is SOMETHING about this song. The message is so clear and it has some of my favorite lines in any song, ever.

The first line: The devil puts words in my mouth when we’re close.

Easy.

My ALL-TIME favorite bit is: The heart is deceitful above all things.
So desperately wicked, who can really know it? Are you listening?

Isn’t it just?

That’s why I love this song. Maybe it’s the lines, and maybe it’s the way the lines are delivered. Or maybe it’s the entire point of the song as a whole. I LOVE what it’s talking about. I love everything about it.

There’s SOMETHING. I guess this is just one of those songs that (like the one I posted a week ago) does something to me I can’t explain – makes me feel something, makes me think about something. Who knows?

Okay, okay, maybe I do know.

One of the most amazing things about music is that it can INSTANTLY transport you somewhere. It can make you think about a specific moment, a specific person, some random thing that happened that you forget about until you hear a lyric or a few beats. Every song I’ve listened to more than 20 times does that to me. And I think . . . I think most of my ‘moments’ when it comes to songs are some of the only secrets of my own that I keep. If a song means something to me, that’s because it makes me think about something. It might be insignificant to most people, but maybe not to me. Insignificant or not . . . I’d never tell.

Is the fact that I’ve listened to it . . . I’d say . . . likely 500 times or so any indication of how I feel about it?

I love it.

I think I just realized something. My memory slips constantly. I think I just realized that some things won’t ever slip from me.

The beauty of music. Gotta love it.

Friday Music: Geographer – Verona (Acoustic)

I will, FIRSTLY, say that this is not my favorite version of them playing this song acoustically. I put this one up instead of the other to spare you all 23 seconds of nonsense at the beginning.

I’ve already rambled on here about my love for Geographer (and this song). I had to put it for my first Friday Music post because . . . I love it so much and it just wouldn’t feel right to put anything else up first. I won’t bore you with how much I absolutely adore this band again. Well . . . maybe just a LITTLE.

They are amazing. I love them. They seriously, without debate, have the best song lyrics I have ever heard (though there are a FEW, AND I MEAN VERY FEW bands that come close). That’s not debatable in my head, at least. Their lyrics make me want to crawl inside brains to figure out what in the world made those words come out. Lyrics are a big deal to me. I’m a writer. I love words. End of story.

They are amazing. Their music is amazing. Their lyrics are amazing. The entire SOUND of them is just AMAZING.

I love them.

And I have nothing else to say, apart from that you should be expecting more music from them to come on a later Friday. Expect me to ramble on about specific lines in songs that really get to me and things of that nature. It will happen at some point, I promise.

I can’t believe I said the sound of them.

Ha

Happy Friday!

(LOOK! I DID WHAT I SAID I WOULD! One week down.)

Will someone do me a favor…

. . . and listen to this song for me? Before or after I explain why makes no difference to me, so long as SOMEBODY listens to the song. It’s like two-something minutes long. LISTEN TO IT.

Okay, now I’m going to explain.

I’d imagine that most of you have no idea who that guy in the video is. Being an avid IMDB-er, and a big fan of perusing copious amounts of people and things on there (I know they don’t always have information first, that’s entirely beside the point), I will fill you in on who he is.

There is a movie coming out next year for the first book in the Vampire Academy series by Richelle Mead. If you just so happened to read the excessive rambling that was The Liebster Blog Award, then you’ll know how I feel about those books. If you didn’t, I will say again that I loved them – basically – because Rose is one of my favorite female characters in any YA series I’ve ever read. She kicks ass and doesn’t even bother taking names.

Anywho, that guy up there singing in the video is playing in the movie – Christian Ozera, if you’ve read the books. And being the peruser I am, I happened to find that video.

Let me just say that I’m one of those people who – once a song gets stuck – cannot get songs OUT of my head. Some people miraculously have them leave after listening to them once – like it’s just some mild appetite that needs a snack here or there to be sated. I don’t know how TF people manage it, but that’s neither here nor there. Last week (I think it was), I had Dancing In The Dark stuck in my head for over three days straight.

I’ve been working, which some of you know. Let me just explain what happens to me when a song gets stuck in my head while I’m editing (which is what I’m doing right now, but the same principle applies for writing as well). I’m fine. I’m totally fine while I’m thinking about WORDS. But the INSTANT that I stand up, or fidget, or get distracted for one reason or another . . . it plays. Incessantly. I can do nothing for it. Listening to it only sticks it farther. Not listening only makes me WANT to listen to it. I am simply stuck with it for however long it chooses to stick with me.

That is my life. I always have some sort of music playing during those tiny little breaks (or not so tiny, depending on) where my brain shuts down for a moment, due to excessive thinking about WORDS. (UGGGGH, WORDS . . . I’m a little worn-down, if you can’t tell.)

This song has been STUCK IN MY FREAKING HEAD nonstop for DAYS. And for once? I am not complaining at all.

Okay, so now I have to tell the funnies. If you’re male (or female, for that matter) and don’t find the potential shamelessness of females where it pertains to males humorous in any way whatsoever, you may as well stop reading now if you’ve bothered to make it thus far.

He’s a good looking guy, I’ll admit it. It’s much easier to admit it to the entire world (or the two people who exist in my world on here) than it is to my husband.

Anywho . . . If you just so happen to look at the official Vampire Academy Facebook page (I’m linking that so you can look after I say it if you so choose), there is a picture of him on there shirtless in a pool. No big deal.

Alright, I will also admit that something along the lines of, “Hey, that’s pretty nice,” crossed my mind briefly enough while I was looking at all the pictures on there. (Yes, I did look at other pictures, thank you.) But something caught my attention.

The comments beneath it.

I was sitting here at the computer, laughing hysterically and relaying bits and pieces of those comments to my husband. Women were talking about their ovaries exploding. I am not kidding. I am not exaggerating. I am not taking liberties with it. That is LITERALLY what they were saying. I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard in a good long while. I was partially laughing because the thought of, “THE LACK OF SHAME WE CAN HAVE!” passed many times through my head. And partially because there was a smaller voice somewhere in there saying, “Man . . . I am SO glad I didn’t hear the term exploding ovaries when I was 18 or so. That would’ve been so worn out.”

Anyways, can you just imagine being that guy and seeing that you made women’s ovaries explode? (Not literally, of course. Come on now.)

I bet he’s going to be a happy guy indeed here shortly. He probably already is, but all of this is beside the point and was simply an errant thought or two.

The ENTIRE point of this is that I just need someone out there to tell me that him singing that song is as good as my head is telling me it is. I’ve heard Jason Mraz’s version, and I can RARELY say that a cover is better than an original, but it certainly is here in my opinion. And I like Jason Mraz pretty well to be honest.

It’s an extremely rare thing for me to say that I don’t care about a person’s acting ability when they’re going to be playing in a movie I’m looking forward to seeing, but I really don’t in this case. It has absolutely nothing to do with how he looks, and everything in the world to do with the fact that he needs to be making music (I’ll selfishly add, “for me to listen to.”) . . .

And am I the only one in the world who thinks there is something undeniably sexy about his voice on that song? Again – nothing to do with how he looks. I’ve listened to it without watching the video. I really have. And I’m being completely honest when I say that I don’t usually think voices are sexy.

I’m at least going to get my best friend to listen to this because I know, if there are two things in the world that woman appreciates . . . it’s good music and good looking men. I know she’ll think at least one of the two about it, but I’m not entirely sure which yet.

I feel like a horrible person, but the song was worth sharing, and explaining.

Kthxbai.

PS . . . He gets bonus points for being British. Juuuuust saying.

PSS . . . Major props from me to any woman who is woman enough to say something about a man being good looking enough to make her ovaries explode.

Everybody hates prologues.

Why?

Someone, please, tell me why.

I’ve heard it before. I read it somewhere a long time ago and have seen multiple things on that subject over the last several years. What’s bringing it up right now is that I read an article about it again a few days ago. I can’t remember from where, though I’m assuming I somehow found it by tap-tapping away on Twitter, as Twitter and Instagram are really the only things I check somewhat consistently. They’re both right next to each other on my phone, what can I say?

Anyway, I’m not really one to take things that I read on the internet at face value (WTF does that even mean? I’ve never even questioned the saying until right this second. Maybe it’s the Writer in me, but seeing something in front of your face doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re looking at it in the right way. Just saying!), but there seems to be some general consensus that agents, and the like, hate prologues.

Again, I ask anyone out there in the vast expanses of internetdom who can actually communicate back with me . . . WHY?

As a reader, I have no issue with them if they’re done well enough. The only one that’s ever made me stop, tilt my head, and make some sound that Scooby Doo tends to make (at least in my head), is the book that I was complaining about in a previous entry, which you can find here. It was out of place and made no sense whatsoever to what I actually got through in the book, but that’s neither here nor there and is only relevant whatsoever right now in me saying that, as a reader, I’ve never had an issue with them (apart from that one instance, at least that I can remember, which – knowing my memory – isn’t saying very much).

In fact, AS A READER, I tend to like prologues.

Take for example the beginning of Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare. The first few words in the actual BOOK part of the book are, The demon exploded in. That’s enough to get my point across, I think. That was enough right there to make me smile and think, “Yeah, I’m gonna like this book.”

Prologue.

Don’t smack me if I’m wrong in saying that it was a prologue, but I’m almost positive that it was. That book is currently in a box right now so I can’t take two steps and check for sure. I’d rather make an as– *cough* . . . butt out of myself.

Anyway, perfect use of a prologue right there. That scene was extremely relevant, but did not fit perfectly with the beginning of the STORY story.

I loved it.

Now, as a writer, I will also say that I CANNOT understand the issue with prologues.

When I was sitting down several years ago, writing the first scene of my first book . . . Well, um, I wrote it. I wrote it, and then I went to the next CHAPTER and, after the fact, realized that – while one could not be done without the other – they did not exactly . . . mesh, you could say. Hence my first prologue was written into existence.

Every single book that I have ever written has a prologue, and an epilogue.

In my (we’ll say HUMBLE) opinion, I think they’re great. And that has absolutely nothing at all to do with the fact that I write them, and everything to do with WHY I write them.

I can understand the issue with them when they’re used for info-dumping, but at the same time . . . I don’t know.

Maybe I’m the only person seeing a difference between bringing a story up to speed in a way that doesn’t fit 100% WITH the story and info-dumping. I know some people are fond of flashbacks (one of my very good friends is fond of them, in fact), but I only am to a certain extent. The first book in my first series has flashbacks out the as– *cough* wazoo. I hated it. I absolutely hated it. I would rather have a prologue with JUST THE RIGHT information than those flashbacks. That’s personal preference, both in writing, and reading.

I just don’t understand why a book would be entirely disregarded (as that was the statement made in the article I read) for having a prologue. A prologue doesn’t mean that it’s info-dumping. A prologue doesn’t mean that the story will be horrible, or the writing atrocious. Where in the world is that stigma coming from? Can anyone out there fill me in? Because, honestly? I just think it’s a load of bulllll- *cough* bologna.

Am I the only one that thinks bologna is a funny word?

I’m giggling a little right now, I’m not gonna lie.

My Point:

When written well, and done well, a prologue can add fantastic things to a story, in my opinion.

That’s all.

And did anybody get the whole Lost reference? Or no?

Lions, and tigers, and sex sc – Wait…what?

Ah, the dreaded three letter word that starts with S, ends in X, and rhymes with HEX.

It’s not such a dreaded word in reality (at least not for most people under whichever circumstances), but for writers who are not Romance novelists? Oh yes, that word is SO dreaded. I’m not sticking all of you other writers out there into that little box with me, but I’m definitely in it and I know I’m not the only one.

I have to keep in mind that most of you who read my blog have had zero interaction with me off of here. I email with a few people. I’ve talked on the phone to one person a few times. So yes, the only way most of us all know one another is through interactions on WordPress. In a way, that can almost give you deeper insight to a person than you’d normally get – at least in my opinion. We share our hopes and dreams on here – our pains (not paints, way to ruin a moment with a typo, C), our struggles, and our ambitions. We share our WRITING. I know you all get me on that level, which is fantastic.

I’ve said on here before that I’m a pretty closed off person in some ways. If I know you, I’ll spill my deepest secrets (or the next level above the deepest) to you in a heartbeat. I can be a very open person. But let me give you a little insight . . .

If I did NOT know you, and you came up to me on the street and started rattling off about sex scenes, one or both of my eyes would likely start twitching. I would sweat profusely. I would be polite and say, “Hey, Random Person, this is somewhat inappropriate.” At least I would want it to come out of my mouth that way. It would probably be more like, “Whoa dude, wtf are you doing?”

That’s me.

I’ve written a lot, alright? That type of stuff HAPPENS when you write books, because that type of stuff HAPPENS in real life. I’m a fan of The Cut-Off. If I lead up to something happening well enough, I’m PRETTY SURE your mind can fill in the gaps. It’s my goal as a writer to make that happen. It’s better that way, I think (just my opinion). At least I am better at it that way, which . . . sometime you out there can be the judge of that, if you ever want to be. When writing Young Adult, it’s almost better to do it that way, again in my opinion. And I don’t want to feel like I’d be responsible for a crapton of sexually deviant teenagers running around doing things that they do. Hey, they do it, but I don’t want to feel responsible for it. And I would feel responsible, even if nobody ever accused me of it.

Oh my GOD, ALL THE EVILS IN THE WORLD ARE MY FAULT!!

That’s how my brain works, okay?

There’s a part of me that’s not comfortable writing YA at all, as I cover a lot of subjects in my books that I’m not sure the younger end of YA readers . . . I’m stopping myself there, as I cannot say who should and should not (or would and would not be able to) handle whatever. But I’m less comfortable writing in the adult genre, in ways.

I’ll give you a scenario – it’s a truthful scenario that happens quite often with me while I’m writing (or editing) a book.

I’m sitting there in my shed (I have every intention of posting an entry about my shed on here, so let’s leave the shed at that for now), writing (or editing). Sexy scene comes up. I type (or read/write) a few words. I giggle. I type a few more, put my hand over my face, and start talking to myself (“Oh my god,” for example. “I can’t believe I just wrote that,” for another). I type a few more and giggle again.

It happens.

There are some scenes in some of my books that – I kid you not – will have me nearly rolling around on the ground giggling in uncomfortableness. I do weird things when I’m uncomfortable, if you haven’t gathered.

So yes, adult books have their downside, as The Cut-Off is generally not wanted or accepted.

But I’ll tell you something I learned . . . yesterday? Two days ago? The days blur . . .

I knew that I’d done a relatively decent job with the more ‘intimate’ scenes (not sex scenes) in the book that my editor HAS IN HER HANDS RIGHT NOW. I knew that I had because my husband’s response after reading one of them in particular was, “I felt like I was intruding.”

That’s one of those things where you think about it for a little while, and then nod your head in satisfaction when you’re alone. It must’ve been good, in some way.

I’ve never really felt like that – at least no more than I usually feel when I’m writing. I already feel a level of intrusion into the character’s stories that I’m telling because I feel like I’m telling the life story of some person that has no business being told. I’m giving words to their lives for other people to read.

I have to be honest and say that I finished writing this new trilogy last week. I didn’t want to say anything on here – partially because I’ve been busy (writing and now editing), and partially because I read on a blog awhile back that talking about writing prolifically can make other authors feel bad. I’ve actually been struggling a lot with both that, and the fact that I write full-time (without pay because I have no books released yet . . . give me some time to get everything in place and they will be out there, I promise). I don’t want to make anyone feel any negative thing due to what I’m doing, so I haven’t wanted to be like, “HEY, I FINISHED ANOTHER BOOK!” And then another one a few weeks later. But hey. I have.

Guilty feelings come to me again now.

So anyway, I had to say it so that what I say next will make sense.

I was editing the first book in that trilogy and came upon the actual first legitimate sex scene that I’ve ever written. It was torture writing it, let me tell you. I was pleased with it afterward. I thought I kept it classy (as classy as they can get). I postponed writing it for as long as I freaking could, let me tell you.

Anyway, came upon it when editing.

And by god, if I didn’t feel like I was intruding then I don’t know what that was. Well, uncomfortable, yes. But intrusive. I felt so unbelievably intrusive.

So, after getting through editing it and taking a few minute break afterward to try and fix my brain back into its normal – un-uncomfortable – mode, I sat there and I thought about it.

I’ll never be a Romance novelist. Not ever. Well, I can’t know that for certain, but I know for certain that I don’t want to be. I love the natural romance that happens between characters, but I’m not trying to turn love stories into the pornographacation (*ding* new Non-Word) of a character’s life. I will write and write (and write and write) about things that don’t happen, but I like my books to be realistic enough that the other things can make those unrealistic things believable. And throwing in a bunch of words that people DO NOT THINK into scenarios and DO NOT HAPPEN . . . Where is the believability there?

I’m not writing this to get into a debate about Romance novels. People like them, and that’s cool. I just don’t write them.

What I’m trying to say is that I learned, finally, that I CAN actually write a sex scene if I feel that I absolutely must – if the story, or the characters say, “Dammit, woman, TELL THE STORY!”.

And I’m proud of myself for that because it was such a freaking struggle for me.

But hey, I’m a bigger fan of the leading-up-to anyhow. For the most part . . . I think I’ll stick to what I’m good at when it comes to that sort of thing with writing. I’ll venture out of my box to grow, but . . . yep, done that. Check.

Sorry this was so long, but I haven’t been blogging very much. Pretty poor way of making up for it, come to think about it.

Anyway, if anyone else has had the same struggles – or similar ones – feel free to share. Maybe I won’t feel so ridiculous.

Hope everyone is wonderful out there.

🙂

Now if only I can get over the thought of my mom reading these new books of mine that she’s been asking to read . . .