Stepdad – Will I Ever Dance Again (Friday Music)

With all the bad feelings still in place due to the piracy and whatnot, I figured it was a good time to do another Friday Music post. I don’t want the mood of my blog to be too down, so this will help.

When trying to figure out which song to feature this week, I had a somewhat difficult time. (We’re going to completely disregard that it’s been much longer than a week since I did the last music post.) Did I want to put up something that I felt was appropriate for my mood? SURELY NOT right now.

So rather than digging around in the archive of potential songs, I picked one of my go-to’s. I fell in love with this band a while back due to one of their songs in particular. I thought about using that one for today, but it reminds me too much of the Reave Series for me to post it at the current point in time. (That’s not due to the piracy and I’m feeling too lazy to explain.)

The song is Will I Ever Dance again by Stepdad. If you completely ignore the lyrics (hard thing for me to usually do) and just listen to the music? How it sounds sums up how I want to feel right now. So here it is. Hope you enjoy it. ūüôā

My first experience with piracy, thus far. (Part Two)

I’m sitting here a few days after the fact still trying to process this. (If you’re just stopping by and don’t have a clue what I’m talking about – or what I will¬†be talking about –¬†you can read my previous post here.) I’ve gone through a pretty wide range of emotions since learning that Reave is being pirated, everything from outright fury to something I can only describe as¬†down. Since putting word out there that this has happened, I’ve realized . . . it happens A LOT more than one would think. I’m not the sort of person that rationalizes bad things happening by saying, “This happens, and that makes it okay.”

I feel¬†worse. It’s, “This happens way too much and it’s¬†so far¬†from okay.”

When most people are sick, they don’t¬†wish¬†for other people to get sick. (Unless you’re the sort of person that laughs maniacally for getting sick-germs all over a person’s face.) Most people don’t wish that.

How I’m feeling a few days after the fact is:¬†Why does this have to happen? Why do we, as people, have to¬†completely disregard¬†others?¬†Just . . .¬†why? (I could also ask, ‘Why are you insisting on sneezing your sick-germs on my face?’)

We aren’t all like that, and I really would still like to believe that most people – when given the choice – will do the right thing. But there’s all this stuff going on everywhere, all this crazy, absolutely¬†horrible¬†stuff with people disregarding the person standing next to them. Worse, people blindly hating the person standing next to them. And for what? Because they’re¬†different? How are we as a culture not past this by now?

I have my opinions on all that, those questions (and more). I have¬†a lot¬†of opinions, and I pretty much always keep mine to myself. I only share my opinions with a few select people who I know can and will respect them¬†or won’t think differently of me because of them.

I don’t ever get opiniony (non-word) on my blog. I talk about¬†work¬†on my blog. But my work getting essentially¬†stolen from me¬†(still having a hard time grasping that) makes this work-related. Roundabout.

My husband started a new job recently. (That’s the adjustment mentioned several entries ago.) He has to deal with people at this new job. Now, my husband is great with people. He’s seriously¬†the nicest person¬†ever. (Not to mention that he’s extremely nice to look at along with that. It’s a conundrum, I know.) He’s so level-headed and relaxed about everything. (I have¬†no idea¬†how he can tolerate me.) Some of the stuff I’ve listened to him say when coming home is . . . . . . . . Well, it doesn’t give me much hope for the future of the human race, I’ll say that.

So I’ve been hearing that. I’ve been walking past when the TV is on the news (which I’ve always tried to avoid due to it inevitably making me unbearably sad). Then I had this happen to me, with the piracy. So there are quite a few pieces of straw on the camel’s back, if you will.

I’m so . . .¬†disappointed.

To me, there’s a major difference between downloading a free book and being the one who steals someone’s work to make it available for those people to download. There’s a difference in that and being the facilitator (site).

There’s a difference between being the stander-by while your friend is pulling their pants down in front of kids (WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!) and being the one who’s doing it. There’s a difference between that and being the person who *tries* to physically assault someone for just doing their job because¬†you decided to be an ass. (Is that literal enough?) (And by the way? *TRYING to physically assault veterans? Yeah . . . probably not the brightest idea ever.) (Can I ask . . . Who is raising these people to be this way?)

I’m not even going to get into what’s going on in the WORLD. But really?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

I usually write about this sort of stuff in my books Рnot these acts, thank god, but human nature. As much as I try to keep my distance from people (DO I NEED TO SAY WHY?), human nature is and will always be nothing short of fascinating to me. But let me tell ya . . . I would so much rather write about it.

Needless to say, I’m having a pretty difficult time trying to find the motivation to interact. I really just want to go into hermit-mode until I’m feeling better. I’m just really down right now, to be honest, and I really don’t like interacting when I’m down. That’s more so because I don’t like putting my stuff on other people than a legitimate desire to be away. If I’m down, I don’t want to drag anyone else there with me because that’s¬†not right. And I always worry that if I try interacting while in that sort of mood, someone will be able to tell and might potentially feel bad right along with me. (Even if it’s just for the minute or two they might be reading whatever.)

I’m also sort of struggling with trying to get book 1 of the trilogy ready for release. I was super excited about it, and for right now? Yeah, kind of hard finding the usual energy in the tank for that.

With as much as I’ve heard this happens after telling¬†about it happening to me, I’m wondering why I haven’t heard more about it. Like I’ve said, I’m extremely hesitant to say much of anything on here (about anything), so I’m wondering if that’s it. Nobody wants to make people angry or whatever. And I know there are the people out there who don’t care. (Exposure is exposure?) Or maybe I’m just missing posts about it. That’s possible. I’m pretty bad about that.

But you know, it’s not strictly the feeling of violation I’m going through. I’m worried. What if this illegal copy of my book¬†has somehow been altered?¬†What if it was messed with, these people download it, and it absolutely¬†ruins¬†my reputation? Is that reaching? Maybe. Do I think it’s a legitimate concern? Yes. There’s no way I could know as much because I’m not putting a virus on my computer (WITH ALL MY WORK ON IT) to find out. It’s possible, isn’t it?

It’s so scary thinking that you can put so much work into something and have it all ruined in an instant. It’s terrifying. That’s why I won’t give out information on upcoming books. I don’t want my ideas stolen. And apparently everything is fair game, right? Someone puts in all the effort and someone else messes it up? Right.

Human nature. *sigh*

I’ve warred with myself on posting this, and I’ll admit I warred with myself on leaving the initial post up. Nobody seems to be talking much about this out in the open, so is it taboo or something? But it’s like I said up top. I don’t believe that something happening or being ‘normal’ makes it okay. And I’m sorry (not sorry), but I’m just not okay with this sort of garbage happening.

We should have the right to say where our work goes and how it goes there. If we want our books to be free? They should be free. If we don’t want them free? They shouldn’t be available for free. (And again, I WILL GIVE OUT FREE E-BOOK COPIES.) That’s not wrong, and it’s not difficult.

I’m not angry at the people who downloaded it. I’m angry at whoever made it available. But ah, the joys of being separated by computer screens. Right?

Anyway. I don’t know what I’m going to do as of now. I might bury myself in writing. I might not. I really want to, just to sort of get my headspace readjusted. So if it takes me a while to get back with anyone, please don’t be upset with me. I’m trying to work through this. And to any/everyone else this has happened to? I am so sorry. I am genuinely sorry that anyone has had and will have to go through this. I wouldn’t wish this feeling or experience on anyone. We all work so hard.

I think we should all learn to cover our mouths when coughing/sneezing. Just saying.

 

(I had to go back into the previous post to clear one thing up where I was talking about my email address and spam. I just wanted to make sure I was being clear about it to ensure it wasn’t taken the wrong way.)

My first experience with piracy, thus far.

I’m trying to process my feelings right now, and I’ll admit . . . I’m struggling with it. I’m also trying to figure out whether it’s ironic that only yesterday I read an article about someone’s opinions on the piracy of books and thought, ‘Hey, chick. I’m totally in agreement with you on this.’ Then I disregarded it (mentally) and moved on. (I’d link to the post if I still had it up or remembered whose site I read it on.)

So yeah, if you haven’t guessed by the title of this post, Reave is being pirated. Every so often I do searches for it and I’ve never found anything like this. I altered the search slightly today and that popped right up.

I’m . . .¬†upset. I try to keep my opinions to myself,¬†especially¬†with issues that are bound to get someone all riled up about something or other (which is pretty much anything), but yeah, I’m not going to do that right now. I am genuinely upset, and I’m going to explain why. When I explain why, it’s going to sound rather similar to what I read yesterday. It probably won’t sound as great because I’ll admit that my hands are shaking and being as upset as I am right now is like sticking a screwdriver in the cogs of my brain.

I could get into a massive spiel about how¬†I have not yet made back the money I spent to release¬†one book, let alone both of them. I could get into that. I could get into how unbelievably difficult it is to do this financially, and do it in the way that I feel is¬†right¬†(which is by not putting out crap, which takes¬†a significant amount of money that is¬†not easy to come by). Believe you me, I could get into that thoroughly. I could get into how unbelievably frustrating it is to have all these books essentially waiting to be released, and to be unable to do so DUE TO FINANCES. Let me tell you that one of the most¬†amazing¬†feelings in the world is when someone enjoyed one of your books and wants to read the next one badly enough that they ask you about it. What’s NOT so great is having to say, “I’m sorry. I don’t know when I can get that next one out. I’m trying as hard as I can.”

Yeah. I could get into that. Past what I’ve said just now? I’m not going to.

What I AM going to get into is this:

Did you know I’ll give out free e-books of Reave? Yeah, I’ll do that. I’ll give out free e-books in exchange for a review. Send me a message on GoodReads. Send me a message on Facebook. Send me an email. Comment on my blog. Believe me, I’d be¬†more¬†than happy for you to contact me directly and express genuine interest in my book, then I’ll send it to you so you can read it. You get a free e-book. I potentially get more exposure (which IS most important to me). You leave a review, and other people who might’ve been on the fence about my book(s) might be able to decide one way or another. You might love my book and tell all your friends and family about it. You might love my book and tell me, which is seriously one of the most fantastic things ever. When you’re struggling to follow your dreams and start your career? Yeah, hearing that helps. It keeps you fighting through all the struggles. It gives you validation for what you’re doing, and when you’re constantly struggling to feel like you’re¬†good enough to do what you’re doing? You have¬†no idea¬†how much the one sentence of ‘I loved your book’ can do.

It can do a lot.

I actually wrote up a post about two weeks ago to tell everyone that I had every intention of taking Reave off Smashwords in order to enroll it in Select (on Amazon) SO THAT I COULD DO THE PROMOS TO MAKE IT FREE FOR CERTAIN DAYS. I didn’t end up posting it due to that adjustment I wrote about last week. I was thinking I’d wait a little while. I just got the first book in the trilogy back from the first beta-reader and I needed to get that ready to send off to the next. So I just needed a bit of time to fit it in.

Let me assure you that exposure has been my biggest goal from the get-go with this. I get it, people. I’m a new author. If you haven’t read my books, you might be hesitant to spend the money and take a chance on me. There’s a stigma with self-publishing and you know what? That stigma with self-publishing is often justified.¬†How do you know if I had a professional editor? How do you know whether my book is going to be riddled with errors? YOU DON’T, AND I GET IT. Let me just add here that I did¬†not¬†self-publish due to an inability to¬†land an agent.¬†I self-published so that I could keep all rights to my work, and to ensure that what was put out was what I¬†wanted¬†put out.¬†Full stop.

But I’ve seen some self-published books that make me want to pull my hair out. I have. So please believe me when I say that I get it.

My willingness to give away free copies of my book is¬†not¬†because I think it isn’t worth being paid for. It’s because I understand. It’s also because I have the faith that my work can stand on its own feet. Given that I have QUITE A FEW BOOKS to release, I’m more than happy to throw one of them out there. Sure, some people will hate it. That’s inevitable because not everyone likes the same stuff. That’s just preference. But the thing is? If I give out a free copy of Reave, someone might love it. Someone might love it enough that they’ll want to read every book I put out. It’s insane to me, but it’s happened so I know it¬†can happen. Am I losing there by giving out a free book? No, I don’t believe so.

So you might be wondering why this upsets me at all, right? If exposure is most important, if the readers are what matter, why would this upset me?

I’ve put literal blood (cut my hand open on a binder while editing), literal sweat (I write in a shed and an AC in the summer out here doesn’t work as well as one would hope, and that’s not even getting into what it’s like in the winter), and literal tears (I cry while writing/editing quite often) into my work. Just like so many other authors out there. I’ve worked my ass off for years now trying to fortify the foundation of something before starting to build it. My workaholic tendencies (if it/they could be called ‘tendencies’) have damaged more than one relationship in my life. What I’m saying is:¬†The¬†work¬†is most important to me.¬†I feel like I’m doing something worthwhile here, and the goal is to potentially make¬†some sort of difference. I can’t accomplish that if I’m not focused on¬†the work.

So¬†seeing my work on some seedy, backwoods channel that set off the antivirus on my computer?¬†Equate that to seeing your daughter standing on street corner doing I’m sure you can guess what. My books¬†are¬†like children to me. They are, and the street corner thing is how I’m feeling right now. (Along with feeling like there’s a line of people with their middle finger up in the air in my direction sounding off¬†a chorus of, “F*** you, C.”)

Disregarding the ratio of pirated copies to legitimately bought copies . . . All you people who downloaded it?

Yeah, you could’ve just asked me for a copy. Just saying.

And so there’s no confusion?

Here is my Facebook account: C. Miller on Facebook

Here is my GoodReads account: C. Miller on GoodReads

Here is my email address:¬†Email Address¬†(Yes, that is a photo of my email address. Clicking on it will not send me an email. Call me crazy, but I’m just really not feeling like dealing with spam today.)

 

Here’s to hoping I can get this taken down swiftly and that¬†any free copies of my work given out will be¬†my choice, as it should be.

(Yes, I know this sort of thing happens. Knowing it happens does not make my feelings on it happening to me irrational or invalid in any way.)

** I’m coming back to this a bit after the fact to add a few things. (Along with taking out one somewhat passive-aggressive remark.) Some of the anger (and similar emotions) . . . it’s worn off a little. Now I’m mostly upset, like legitimately¬†sad/down-upset. Here are the things I want to add:

  • Please, people, respect the hard work of authors and other artists. Some people put their work up for free on sites, or do free promos, or give out free copies. Some people don’t ever do any of that. Please respect their wishes for their work, whatever those wishes may be. I like to think that most people wouldn’t walk into a store and take something simply because they want it. This is the exact same thing. If someone doesn’t want to give out a free product, that is¬†their¬†decision.
  • This is a¬†smidgen¬†bigger than I initially thought. I’m still trying to figure it all out. Doesn’t help that my antivirus keeps getting set off. But I don’t have a clue what any of this stuff is or anything about any of the sites. Working on it.
  • I’m kind of internally warring with myself on this. (Though don’t get me wrong, that sucker is coming down off the sites if it’s the last thing I do. Because I did not put it there.) I guess some people wanted to read my book, right? And that’s good. It really is good, yeah. And you know what? If this was actually impacting anything in a positive way? I just might¬†have left it where it was despite how gross I feel about it. (Not saying I would, only that I would’ve thought about it.) But the truth is that it isn’t. There hasn’t been an influx of reviews or ratings anywhere.¬†There hasn’t been an influx of sales. I’d be totally happy with ratings/reviews (even a¬†sentence, if that’s all someone had to say) and a bit of word of mouth. So if anyone who downloaded a copy of my book off some random site I didn’t put it on is actually reading this? I genuinely hope you enjoyed it. I do. If you did? Tell your friends/family. When/if you do so, it would be¬†super great¬†if you could direct them to one of the legal avenues of obtaining my book. If you seriously cannot afford to spend the $2.99 (less than an order at Starbucks, just saying) to obtain my book legally? LET ME KNOW.
  • I feel like I have a lot more I could say, but I’m seriously just upset and can’t decide if I want to go inside and get away from all this or bury myself in writing and get away from all this.

(Coming back WELL after the fact to clear one thing up. Looking back at this post now and seeing the bit where I give out my email, I’m realizing that could potentially be taken the wrong way. I wasn’t saying that I don’t want to get emails from actual PEOPLE. I was talking about ACTUAL spam, which is much more likely to happen by just typing my email address out. Just wanted to be clear.)

I still don’t like the word.

I wrote a post last week about having to make some major adjustments. I’m still working on all that. It’s getting a bit better, or I suppose I’m¬†just getting¬†somewhat¬†accustomed to the schedule. Of course there’s one major issue with getting partially adjusted.

I got EXTREMELY far behind again. Catching up with things had seemed to be becoming a bit easier than it used to, so we’ll see how that goes this time. I do have a (partial) solution to what’s (currently) keeping me behind.

I can’t be out in my shed during the entirety of my awake hours anymore, so . . . I’m going to have to do some work *gasp* inside.

I’m not happy about it. Not even a little. The shed is my comfort zone. It’s where I¬†get stuff done. But this is just the way things have to be for right now, so yeah. There are a few things I¬†have¬†to do out here due to needing certain files on Herald (laptop), and any form of book-related writing/editing will need to be done out here. Today, I’m going to¬†try¬†responding to blog stuff/messages/emails inside. I’m not sure how well that will work out, but if it works, I might have to do it that way for . . . ever? Talk about time-splitting, right? This would definitely be an actual split in time. (Shed-work-time and inside-work-time.)

Now I’m thinking about Doctor Who. (No, still haven’t watched any of the Capaldi episodes. I’m (mentally) holding onto Matt Smith and my mind is still refusing to let go.)

Anyway. This is all a major bummer. It’s just now ‘writing weather’ or ‘shed weather.’ It’s not too hot and it’s not too cold, so yeah. This is one of the small chunks of the year where I can be out here comfortably for extended amounts of time, and it’s usually when I get the most accomplished. (Book-wise.) I have to admit that I’m more than slightly tempted to pull the¬†disappearing act¬†again, just so I could get a substantial amount of (book) work done. Okay, it’s more than a temptation. I’m contemplating it. I have about two months or so of ‘nice’ weather (or ‘tolerable’ weather) and the major part of me is saying, “I COULD GET¬†SO MUCH DONE.” But I’d still have to spend a bit more time inside every day, sooooo . . .

Yeah, I honestly can’t say what I’ll end up doing. All I know is that today, I’ll be working on responding to stuff. (At least for a chunk of the day. Whether I’ll get all that done or not . . . who knows?) I should be getting book 1 of the trilogy back today, and I’ll need to be getting that ready to hand off to the next beta-reader (who I’m hoping will tear it apart as requested). That won’t take me too long, but it will definitely keep me occupied tomorrow and possibly the following day, so don’t expect to see me around for long (if at all) then. I don’t know what’s going to happen after that. All I really know is that I won’t actually just disappear without saying something about it. If I choose to spend the writing weather actually writing, I’ll let everyone know. It might not be a super bad idea, with how things are going right now. I don’t know. I’ll need to do some thinking on it.

I’m going to write for a little (????) while then go inside and start tackling all this.

Also, I was behind on the Positivity Journal. I DID manage to get caught up on that, so yay. ūüėÄ

So yep, that’s what’s going on here. Hope everyone is doing great. ūüôā

 

One of my least favorite words . . .

I’m currently dealing with a major adjustment. It’s not anything bad. It’s actually really good, but as many of you may know by reading my blogs . . . I am a creature of habit. The sky can be the wrong shade of blue and throw me off for the rest of the day. Clearly that’s an exaggeration (of sorts), but that’s really about how it goes.

I have my way of doing things, and my way works for me. Maybe it doesn’t always work as¬†well¬†as I’d like for it to, especially where blogging and responding (to anything) is concerned, but it¬†works. I have my schedule, my routine. It took me a while to get all that figured out, to fall (or force myself) into a routine where I could work efficiently. When I stopped just¬†writing books and jumped into blogging and all the ‘other stuff,’ that was another major adjustment – one I still hadn’t figured out but had¬†finally¬†accepted that I sort of¬†couldn’t¬†figure out and just had to go with. It took me a¬†long¬†time to find my routine, and when I did, I grabbed hold of it with iron fists. So . . . I have my routine, and it works.

I should be talking about it in past-tense, right? I really should.

So yeah. Adjustments. I’m not very exceptional at adjusting. I’m not even¬†good¬†at adjusting. I’d only consider myself¬†passable¬†at adjusting if there’s no time limit on how long is acceptable for whatever adjustment¬†to take place. Even just¬†writing¬†the word¬†adjust¬†(like I did fifty times just now) makes me cringe. If my anxiety were a physical (living) thing, that particular word would be like little imps slingshotting rocks at its face. Maybe only few of them at first, until realizing that those imps are forcing said physical anxiety (I’m picturing it as a giant) to go a direction it doesn’t want to. I’m thinking as I write this that it should be the other way around – the anxiety should be a little imp. I suppose if it were as simple as being able to kick¬†a tiny thing that’s pestering you, I likely wouldn’t have to deal with it at all. Such is life.

Wow, digress much, C?

Anyway, I just wanted to make sure I let everyone know why I’ve been sort of absent. I haven’t been out in my shed much, some days not even once. On the days I¬†have¬†been out here, it’s only been for a few hours at most. That’s unfortunately not long enough for me to get (or keep) caught up with things. (This has also unfortunately caused me to get behind on the Positivity Journal. >.<) I have quite a few messages/emails to respond to and I haven’t been able to figure out how to get out here for long enough to do all that. But it’s sort of like with the blog comments – I’d rather take a bit longer to respond and¬†actually¬†respond than just send a shortened thing back that seems to ignore absolutely everything someone said. I’m getting ready to go back inside in a bit, so to the few of you who’ve sent me long emails/messages, expect to be getting a ‘I’ll get to this ASAP’ message here shortly.

It’s going to take me a while to figure out how to make this work. Hopefully¬†little¬†can be put between ‘a’ and ‘while’ in the last sentence, but knowing me? Well . . . there’s no telling.

I’d imagine that whenever focus shifts again, that will force me back out here despite whatever is going on. And if you’re wondering what I’m talking about with ‘shifting focus’ then I’ll say that I’m¬†hoping¬†to start getting book 1 of the trilogy ready for release relatively soon. I have a date in mind (I always do), but whether or not I hit that one is going to depend on how soon I get it back. (Then how soon I get it back from the next person, and so on.) (Also, I’m not putting the date out there yet because I’m not¬†sure whether I can manage to hit it.)¬†But yeah, once I can start putting certain things with that in motion, that’ll pull me back out here for sure. Not saying that being out here while working on that would help with response times because . . . yeah, no. I¬†am¬†saying that being out here working on that might force me into a new routine which¬†would¬†(eventually) help.

I’ll just have to see how everything goes. Please be patient with me while I’m figuring this out. (Also, I’ll probably be on Twitter more so than anywhere else, strictly because it takes me less time.)

I hope everyone is having a super great weekend. I’ll be spending time with Husband, probably trying to get caught up on some TV shows. ūüôā

(If any of this makes no sense that’s likely because I’m not entirely coherent yet. >.>)

Dream Journal

So I did something sort of cool today, and I’m sure it’s obvious with the¬†title of this post. I started a Dream Journal. Yes, I already have the Positivity Journal going, and you might be wondering why I would want/need to start a Dream Journal too. I don’t really need to, and while I don’t think it will be some major or majorly positive factor in my life, there might be some cool end results to it.

The last several times I’ve slept have been¬†rife¬†with¬†insane¬†dreams. There have been some weird ones. There have been some unsettling ones. Some that were upsetting. Many that woke me up. The weirdest thing about all of it is that they’ve all been sticking with me several days after the fact. Usually I’ll forget a dream shortly after I wake up and only have a few that I remember well. (I have issues remembering much of anything.) But most of the dreams I¬†do¬†remember were either upsetting enough for me to remember them, or were dreams that I’d written down at some point or another. (That underwater zombie dream five years or so ago will probably stick with me forever. It was a weird one, that’s for sure.)

I feel like remembering so much/many of them lately was sort of a sign that I needed to write them down, so that’s what I’m doing. It only took me a few minutes to type up the most recent ones, so this won’t really impact time spent on anything else. (Especially not when considering I’m too incoherent when first waking to really accomplish much of anything regardless.) I’m not actually writing them down, partially because I don’t want to, partially because I can keep it all better-organized on Herald (again, laptop), partially because it’s much¬†faster for me to type,¬†and partially because I’m already running through paper like crazy with the PJ. I think I’m just going to go by the months – have one file with what I remember of that month’s dreams, then move on to the next.

The last time I kept a DJ was in 2007. I was somewhat obsessive about dreams for a little while there, picking mine apart and doing the ‘relation’ thing. Like, if two people had the exact same dream, it would mean something different for each of them due to personal feelings about whatever objects were in there, situations, etc. I’m trying to think of an example to get this across, but the only one that’s coming to mind is one I can’t say because it was mine and I think it gives too much away. Hm. Working around the specifics of it . . . Okay. I had a dream back then about a certain type of animal that reminded me of a specific person. Rather than being cute and cuddly like said animal is supposed to be, it kept injuring me and ended up being poisonous (despite not being even remotely poisonous in real life). That specific person had done something very¬†similar in my real life. I wouldn’t have made the connection of it if I hadn’t written it down, despite how obvious it was.

I’m not doing that sort of thing with this. I don’t have the time to pick things apart to that degree. (And one can assume that if I’m dreaming about horses and actually make note of the saddles in said dream after watching Merlin and making note of the saddles in the show . . . that’s probably why. Or having a dream about talking to my friend’s mom about the 70’s after talking to that friend, and after watching an episode of Girl Meets World where they ‘went back’ to the 60’s . . . that¬†makes sense. Though I¬†still¬†can’t find any reason as to why Jared Leto was in a dream, playing some weird version of my favorite non-MC character, but I can understand me freaking out and screaming to him about how he was messing it all up. Even recently seeing him on Jimmy Fallon doesn’t really make sense of that. Really digressing.)

Anyway, I’m not trying to connect anything to my actual life. I just think it might be fun/funny to look back one day and be like, “Wtf?” I have some majorly weird dreams, even if it doesn’t sound like it with the ones I just mentioned. Those were just tiny little things in each of them. (Like in the ’70’s’ dream, it was in a restaurant and I was yelling at my sister about beans. Don’t ask me. Just another tiny thing in it.)

If all else fails, I might be able to find some little snippet of something to spin into a story if the day ever comes that I run out of potential stories. Nowhere near that (running out of stories) as of now. Maybe in forty years or so.

Anyway, that’s been my morning so far, apart from being unable to stop thinking about doughnuts¬†from the doughnut¬†store down the street. O.o

Review of Reave – Book 1 of the Reave series by C. Miller

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Brainfluff

This is a really interesting read. Miller writes with great force and intensity that swept me up when reading the sample, so that I‚Äôd clicked on the Buy button without even thinking about ‚Äď no matter that I‚Äôm stacked up with books, both actual and virtual, that will probably keep me occupied for MONTHS, if not years‚Ķ

reaveHow far would you go to be free‚ÄĒto make your own choices without being subjected to punishment for doing what you felt was right? Could you kill for it? After being abandoned by her father as a child, Aster spent ten years of her life as a servant for the leader‚Äôs House in the broken city of New Bethel. She‚Äôd known, even as a child, that the cities of her world were corrupt places with human monsters‚ÄĒassassins‚ÄĒrunning rampant between their high walls. Thinking everything will remain the same as it always has there‚Ķ

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Going-ons

This isn’t my usual sort of post, so bear with me here. I’d planned on re-blogging several things, but I figured I would put them all in one post and just link to everything so as not to be annoying/overload the ‘Reader’. So, check out the going-ons!

The first link I want to share is for a post on Ben’s Bitter Blog. If you don’t know him, you should. If I’m biased about that, it totally doesn’t matter. And while I AM biased where Bitter Ben is concerned (blogging buddy turned one of my best friends in the entire world, no joke), that has no impact on his funniness. The particular post I wanted to share¬†needed¬†to be shared because he made ‘me’ part of it. It was a long, drawn out conversation that led to me waiting about two months for this post. So, check out: The Bitter Realm Conclusion – The Lost Relics (There are links to the first two in that post.) And check out the rest of his blog while you’re there.

The next I want to share is for Charles Yallowitz. He’s doing a campaign on Thunderclap, which seems to be like Kickstarter sans the money. Basically all you have to do is go click on something to say you support it, and if he gets enough supporters, there will be a blast of support for him and his work (which is awesome). You can check out his post here (you might want to, because I have no idea what I’m talking about), or go directly to the site by clicking here.

The next link for sharing is a review for Reave. I’m so late in providing the link to this, but I’m still trying to get caught up on everything. It was a really unexpected treat to look at GoodReads one day and see it there, and even more unexpected to stumble across it on her blog (which you should follow because she’s super great). So, here that is: CiSu’s review of Reave

The last is for an interview I did with Robert Tozer. He’d asked me to do that several months ago, and I don’t even want to say how long it took me to. (It took me a long time.) He was super awesome about dealing with me, and I have a ridiculous amount of appreciation for that. You can find the interview by going to his site, clicking on ‘Interviews’ down at the bottom, then clicking on ‘Click Here For More Interviews’ up in the top right. Also, he’ll be releasing his first book in October, so be on the lookout for that!

 

That’s basically it for now. I really hope you’ll all check this stuff out!

Positivity Journal, Week Three

Yesterday I got to write ‘Day 21’ down in the Positivity Journal. So I’ve kept with it for three weeks now, and that’s pretty cool. ¬†Apart from a few stray days here and there, things have been going well here. Sure, there was yesterday where I was dealing with some major dizziness/general discombobulation. The positive of that was getting¬†to write the word¬†discombobulation. I love words, and all . . .

There have been the other negatives. One of those being that playing Destiny has gotten me far behind on . . . pretty much¬†everything. Okay, okay, I’ve written a bit as well (though not anywhere near the amount I did the week before this last one), and that hasn’t helped with getting caught up. The positive to that is . . .¬†I’ve written. The positive to playing Destiny is that I’ve got to spend some time with Husband. Also, it’s fun.

There was even a ‘family’ sort of ‘issue’ the other day that took up an entire page to explain due to my unhappiness/frustration over it. And yet I was¬†still¬†able to find a positive in it.

I really have to believe that the PJ is a positive thing for me all around. Even on the frustrating days, it’s nice to actually pick out something good that happened, write it down, and say, “Okay. This is the thing to focus on here.”

I’m sure there will be the odd irredeemable day here and there. (Such as the day where I was¬†trying¬†to get some stuff done and my internet was refusing to cooperate. That day was filled with – after – after – of me complaining about the internet, not to mention the generally negative remarks of things along the lines of ‘this figures’.) Such is life.

I’m sort of adapting it as I go along. I started keeping a ‘Stat Count’ early into it. Every day (or night, depending on), I’ll write a few things down to keep track of. They get their own positives and negatives. Being able to write down [+16,011 words written] one day was both unbelievable and fantastic. (That was during the writing week, where I¬†needed¬†to get that part of the story out. Getting that many words out in one day has its downfalls. Such as being so out of it by the end that I’ll be missing two words from¬†every other sentence. It happens, and it’s fixable.)

I just think it will be really awesome to look back one day and be like, “Yeah, so that must’ve been one of those days where I did¬†absolutely nothing but write. That must’ve been a great day.”

I’ve seriously been keeping track of basically everything, even down to ‘Wrote a chapter. S8, B5, C2 +3, 777.’ (That’s the most recent one, and it was done yesterday when I was recovering from all the dizziness. There’s no telling how horrible it is.) So not only will I be able to look back and know which book I was working on, but also the chapter, which will be exceptionally cool for the ones that stick out pretty far in my memory. “Yeah, that was a horrible chapter. Definitely not going to be comfortable when my mom reads that.” (I don’t need to write that sentence down to remember it, and yes, that chapter mentioned at the top of this paragraph is definitely one that messes with the comfort level. I’ve been writing a lot of those lately, seems like. Makes me feel like I’m doing something right, if it can make me¬†uncomfortable.)

My inner ‘control freak’ must be having the time of her life with this. I can only guess because she tries very¬†hard to keep herself quiet. (Doesn’t always work.) (Okay, enough of talking about some aspect of myself in third-person.) My days have been structured, and that’s more comforting for me than I can even explain.¬†I’d almost wonder if that would make me more willing to step out of my comfort zone (which pretty much just requires taking ONE STEP ANYWHERE), or at least better able to handle it, but if my latest experience at the Post Office is any indication? Yeah, I’m still just as awkward and uncomfortable. Don’t even want to think about that, but even my husband said he could tell how uncomfortable I was, and he’s usually all, “You did fine.”

I do worry about myself sometimes. Then again, I worry about pretty much everything all the time. Take today, for example. I’m still on the first page of the PJ and there are two separate bullets about different worries. That’s me.

That’s basically¬†it as far as what’s going on, but I do have one more thing to say.

I had an idea yesterday to start a new ongoing post, of sorts. They’ll be short and something I could for sure make the time to write up weekly. I’m not sure that anyone would want to read them, but . . . short. Enough said there, with how my posts seem to go (long), and a few people still read those for some reason. So maybe. I guess I’ll just have to try it out. Sort of like how hardly anybody checks out my Friday Music posts, but I still do them anyway from time to time. I guess it doesn’t really matter.

I honestly don’t even know what I’m talking about at the moment. Still not coherent.

Anyway . . . I hope everyone is having a great week so far. I’ll be working on getting caught up, but if it takes me a bit to respond to things, you can assume I’m playing Destiny. Or writing. Or working on getting caught up with something else.

kbai

Oh yeah, one more thing? I am pissed off about Master Chef. Just saying.

I have a new favorite. (Friday Music)

I was so excited about posting this video that I went ahead and wrote up a post for it yesterday. In all my excitement, that post ended up being all of 1,825 words which is just . . . not okay. This is me trying again.

(Keep it brief, C. You can do it.)

Sorry, I definitely needed a little pep talk to keep myself calm enough to write this.

Okay. I’m sure some of you out there know me well enough for you to be aware (either by figuring it out on your own or me telling you) that I can be a pretty . . .¬†fickle¬†person. I have a difficult time picking favorite anythings. My favorites always change with my moods (for the most part), so I sort of gave up on picking favorites. (At least one¬†favorite.)¬†I usually see the differences in everything and, no matter how similar anything might be to something else, it’s always like apples to oranges. (Though, admittedly, I¬†do¬†have a favorite apple. Gala, if you’re wondering. Is that ironic? Maybe.) I can’t ever choose. Something I love one day will be something I just like ‘pretty okay’ the next. So when I find a favorite, it’s like a freaking miracle. And when I get to the point that I¬†claim¬†a favorite, that’s not likely to change.

Even when I narrow things down into more specific lists, I still can’t ever choose. I don’t have a favorite superhero movie. (Like choosing between The Avengers and Guardians of the Galaxy is impossible for me despite them both being ‘group superhero movies’. They’re just too different.) I don’t even have a favorite Lord of the Rings movie because I like things about each of them (and dislike Frodo always). And what I mean by saying I can be fickle is that I can put all my affection into something one day and seriously just not give a sh- . . . erm . . . just not care about it the next. That’s just how I am. (Obviously there are a few exceptions, as always.)

So, as I said, MIRACULOUS when I find a favorite.

I HAVE FOUND ONE.

It happened in a similar way to how I found Geographer. (My favorite band, and one of few favorites that I’ve stuck to.) I heard a song, liked it, didn’t really pay much attention to it, and moved on. I didn’t even do what I usually do with songs I like (which is email the name of it to myself). I must’ve been being lazy that day, which happens. Then I heard the song again, and I sent it to myself. (I heard it on So You Think You Can Dance, actually. I have another song in the Friday Music archives¬†that was also found on there. It’s: Daughter – Medicine.)

I woke up yesterday with that song in my head (the song this post is about), so I came out to the shed and listened to it. When I get to that point with music, the first thing I do is look up the lyrics. I could say I was being lazy yesterday as well, but I was actually just not coherent yet, so I looked up a video with lyrics rather than what I usually do. (That’s go to SongMeanings. I like reading what people have to say about lyrics.)

Listening to that song while reading the lyrics was like getting punched in the gut for me. (Also, hearing it on that show did NOT do it justice.) A lot of that might be to do with the fact that it made me think of something I’m currently working on. (Not currently as in this blog, but currently as in the book I’m working on.) That always gets to me.

It hit me so hard that I¬†needed¬†to listen to a non-studio version of it. I needed to do that because I was¬†seriously¬†concerned¬†in one real listen¬†that it was going to¬†take over my favorite. So what I needed to do was hear what this dude’s voice sounded like outside a studio. Because, you see . . . Mike Deni (from Geographer)? His voice is¬†flawless¬†live. FLAWLESS. So I was thinking I would hear this song being sang outside a studio, be¬†totally¬†put off (but still like the song recorded), and that would be that.

Yeah, that didn’t happen.

I watched a video of him sitting there with just him and his guitar. My eyes got all big. My jaw dropped. And the feeling went from a gut-punch to feeling like a massive slab of concrete had been dropped on my entire torso. (Not getting into how a massive slab would only be on my torso. Not the point.) That was exactly what it felt like.

I’ve got the feels from music before, of course. I get the feels from music quite often. Different sorts of ones. And yeah, I’ve had a similar feeling from other songs, but¬†never¬†like that. Never. Now I must explain why.

Mike Deni’s voice is flawless. It’s damn near perfect. It’s¬†pretty much¬†perfect.

This guy? His voice¬†is¬†perfect, at least to my ears. This is what¬†the perfect voice¬†sounds like to me. I said, “Oh my god,” and, “I just can’t,” seriously about a hundred times between yesterday and today, all to do with this. (I’m actually¬†not¬†exaggerating on the number. I feel so bad for my poor Husband, having to listen to me . . .)

You see how excited I am about this? I told myself to be brief and this is 1,000 words again. (It’s not as long as the other one, and that’s good.)

Now I’ve hyped it up and I’m sure a lot of you will be like, “Yeah, I don’t get it.” Totally fine. This is all just my opinion.

But yeah, Geographer is my favorite band.

Now I have a favorite musician.

So I give you . . .

Hozier – Like Real People Do

Below is the version I’ve listened to the most. How many times, you ask?

Yeah, I’m not answering that.