One of my least favorite words . . .

I’m currently dealing with a major adjustment. It’s not anything bad. It’s actually really good, but as many of you may know by reading my blogs . . . I am a creature of habit. The sky can be the wrong shade of blue and throw me off for the rest of the day. Clearly that’s an exaggeration (of sorts), but that’s really about how it goes.

I have my way of doing things, and my way works for me. Maybe it doesn’t always work as well as I’d like for it to, especially where blogging and responding (to anything) is concerned, but it works. I have my schedule, my routine. It took me a while to get all that figured out, to fall (or force myself) into a routine where I could work efficiently. When I stopped just writing books and jumped into blogging and all the ‘other stuff,’ that was another major adjustment – one I still hadn’t figured out but had finally accepted that I sort of couldn’t figure out and just had to go with. It took me a long time to find my routine, and when I did, I grabbed hold of it with iron fists. So . . . I have my routine, and it works.

I should be talking about it in past-tense, right? I really should.

So yeah. Adjustments. I’m not very exceptional at adjusting. I’m not even good at adjusting. I’d only consider myself passable at adjusting if there’s no time limit on how long is acceptable for whatever adjustment to take place. Even just writing the word adjust (like I did fifty times just now) makes me cringe. If my anxiety were a physical (living) thing, that particular word would be like little imps slingshotting rocks at its face. Maybe only few of them at first, until realizing that those imps are forcing said physical anxiety (I’m picturing it as a giant) to go a direction it doesn’t want to. I’m thinking as I write this that it should be the other way around – the anxiety should be a little imp. I suppose if it were as simple as being able to kick a tiny thing that’s pestering you, I likely wouldn’t have to deal with it at all. Such is life.

Wow, digress much, C?

Anyway, I just wanted to make sure I let everyone know why I’ve been sort of absent. I haven’t been out in my shed much, some days not even once. On the days I have been out here, it’s only been for a few hours at most. That’s unfortunately not long enough for me to get (or keep) caught up with things. (This has also unfortunately caused me to get behind on the Positivity Journal. >.<) I have quite a few messages/emails to respond to and I haven’t been able to figure out how to get out here for long enough to do all that. But it’s sort of like with the blog comments – I’d rather take a bit longer to respond and actually respond than just send a shortened thing back that seems to ignore absolutely everything someone said. I’m getting ready to go back inside in a bit, so to the few of you who’ve sent me long emails/messages, expect to be getting a ‘I’ll get to this ASAP’ message here shortly.

It’s going to take me a while to figure out how to make this work. Hopefully little can be put between ‘a’ and ‘while’ in the last sentence, but knowing me? Well . . . there’s no telling.

I’d imagine that whenever focus shifts again, that will force me back out here despite whatever is going on. And if you’re wondering what I’m talking about with ‘shifting focus’ then I’ll say that I’m hoping to start getting book 1 of the trilogy ready for release relatively soon. I have a date in mind (I always do), but whether or not I hit that one is going to depend on how soon I get it back. (Then how soon I get it back from the next person, and so on.) (Also, I’m not putting the date out there yet because I’m not sure whether I can manage to hit it.) But yeah, once I can start putting certain things with that in motion, that’ll pull me back out here for sure. Not saying that being out here while working on that would help with response times because . . . yeah, no. I am saying that being out here working on that might force me into a new routine which would (eventually) help.

I’ll just have to see how everything goes. Please be patient with me while I’m figuring this out. (Also, I’ll probably be on Twitter more so than anywhere else, strictly because it takes me less time.)

I hope everyone is having a super great weekend. I’ll be spending time with Husband, probably trying to get caught up on some TV shows. 🙂

(If any of this makes no sense that’s likely because I’m not entirely coherent yet. >.>)

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Dream Journal

So I did something sort of cool today, and I’m sure it’s obvious with the title of this post. I started a Dream Journal. Yes, I already have the Positivity Journal going, and you might be wondering why I would want/need to start a Dream Journal too. I don’t really need to, and while I don’t think it will be some major or majorly positive factor in my life, there might be some cool end results to it.

The last several times I’ve slept have been rife with insane dreams. There have been some weird ones. There have been some unsettling ones. Some that were upsetting. Many that woke me up. The weirdest thing about all of it is that they’ve all been sticking with me several days after the fact. Usually I’ll forget a dream shortly after I wake up and only have a few that I remember well. (I have issues remembering much of anything.) But most of the dreams I do remember were either upsetting enough for me to remember them, or were dreams that I’d written down at some point or another. (That underwater zombie dream five years or so ago will probably stick with me forever. It was a weird one, that’s for sure.)

I feel like remembering so much/many of them lately was sort of a sign that I needed to write them down, so that’s what I’m doing. It only took me a few minutes to type up the most recent ones, so this won’t really impact time spent on anything else. (Especially not when considering I’m too incoherent when first waking to really accomplish much of anything regardless.) I’m not actually writing them down, partially because I don’t want to, partially because I can keep it all better-organized on Herald (again, laptop), partially because it’s much faster for me to type, and partially because I’m already running through paper like crazy with the PJ. I think I’m just going to go by the months – have one file with what I remember of that month’s dreams, then move on to the next.

The last time I kept a DJ was in 2007. I was somewhat obsessive about dreams for a little while there, picking mine apart and doing the ‘relation’ thing. Like, if two people had the exact same dream, it would mean something different for each of them due to personal feelings about whatever objects were in there, situations, etc. I’m trying to think of an example to get this across, but the only one that’s coming to mind is one I can’t say because it was mine and I think it gives too much away. Hm. Working around the specifics of it . . . Okay. I had a dream back then about a certain type of animal that reminded me of a specific person. Rather than being cute and cuddly like said animal is supposed to be, it kept injuring me and ended up being poisonous (despite not being even remotely poisonous in real life). That specific person had done something very similar in my real life. I wouldn’t have made the connection of it if I hadn’t written it down, despite how obvious it was.

I’m not doing that sort of thing with this. I don’t have the time to pick things apart to that degree. (And one can assume that if I’m dreaming about horses and actually make note of the saddles in said dream after watching Merlin and making note of the saddles in the show . . . that’s probably why. Or having a dream about talking to my friend’s mom about the 70’s after talking to that friend, and after watching an episode of Girl Meets World where they ‘went back’ to the 60’s . . . that makes sense. Though I still can’t find any reason as to why Jared Leto was in a dream, playing some weird version of my favorite non-MC character, but I can understand me freaking out and screaming to him about how he was messing it all up. Even recently seeing him on Jimmy Fallon doesn’t really make sense of that. Really digressing.)

Anyway, I’m not trying to connect anything to my actual life. I just think it might be fun/funny to look back one day and be like, “Wtf?” I have some majorly weird dreams, even if it doesn’t sound like it with the ones I just mentioned. Those were just tiny little things in each of them. (Like in the ’70’s’ dream, it was in a restaurant and I was yelling at my sister about beans. Don’t ask me. Just another tiny thing in it.)

If all else fails, I might be able to find some little snippet of something to spin into a story if the day ever comes that I run out of potential stories. Nowhere near that (running out of stories) as of now. Maybe in forty years or so.

Anyway, that’s been my morning so far, apart from being unable to stop thinking about doughnuts from the doughnut store down the street. O.o

Review of Reave – Book 1 of the Reave series by C. Miller

😀

Brainfluff

This is a really interesting read. Miller writes with great force and intensity that swept me up when reading the sample, so that I’d clicked on the Buy button without even thinking about – no matter that I’m stacked up with books, both actual and virtual, that will probably keep me occupied for MONTHS, if not years…

reaveHow far would you go to be free—to make your own choices without being subjected to punishment for doing what you felt was right? Could you kill for it? After being abandoned by her father as a child, Aster spent ten years of her life as a servant for the leader’s House in the broken city of New Bethel. She’d known, even as a child, that the cities of her world were corrupt places with human monsters—assassins—running rampant between their high walls. Thinking everything will remain the same as it always has there…

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Going-ons

This isn’t my usual sort of post, so bear with me here. I’d planned on re-blogging several things, but I figured I would put them all in one post and just link to everything so as not to be annoying/overload the ‘Reader’. So, check out the going-ons!

The first link I want to share is for a post on Ben’s Bitter Blog. If you don’t know him, you should. If I’m biased about that, it totally doesn’t matter. And while I AM biased where Bitter Ben is concerned (blogging buddy turned one of my best friends in the entire world, no joke), that has no impact on his funniness. The particular post I wanted to share needed to be shared because he made ‘me’ part of it. It was a long, drawn out conversation that led to me waiting about two months for this post. So, check out: The Bitter Realm Conclusion – The Lost Relics (There are links to the first two in that post.) And check out the rest of his blog while you’re there.

The next I want to share is for Charles Yallowitz. He’s doing a campaign on Thunderclap, which seems to be like Kickstarter sans the money. Basically all you have to do is go click on something to say you support it, and if he gets enough supporters, there will be a blast of support for him and his work (which is awesome). You can check out his post here (you might want to, because I have no idea what I’m talking about), or go directly to the site by clicking here.

The next link for sharing is a review for Reave. I’m so late in providing the link to this, but I’m still trying to get caught up on everything. It was a really unexpected treat to look at GoodReads one day and see it there, and even more unexpected to stumble across it on her blog (which you should follow because she’s super great). So, here that is: CiSu’s review of Reave

The last is for an interview I did with Robert Tozer. He’d asked me to do that several months ago, and I don’t even want to say how long it took me to. (It took me a long time.) He was super awesome about dealing with me, and I have a ridiculous amount of appreciation for that. You can find the interview by going to his site, clicking on ‘Interviews’ down at the bottom, then clicking on ‘Click Here For More Interviews’ up in the top right. Also, he’ll be releasing his first book in October, so be on the lookout for that!

 

That’s basically it for now. I really hope you’ll all check this stuff out!

Positivity Journal, Week Three

Yesterday I got to write ‘Day 21’ down in the Positivity Journal. So I’ve kept with it for three weeks now, and that’s pretty cool.  Apart from a few stray days here and there, things have been going well here. Sure, there was yesterday where I was dealing with some major dizziness/general discombobulation. The positive of that was getting to write the word discombobulation. I love words, and all . . .

There have been the other negatives. One of those being that playing Destiny has gotten me far behind on . . . pretty much everything. Okay, okay, I’ve written a bit as well (though not anywhere near the amount I did the week before this last one), and that hasn’t helped with getting caught up. The positive to that is . . . I’ve written. The positive to playing Destiny is that I’ve got to spend some time with Husband. Also, it’s fun.

There was even a ‘family’ sort of ‘issue’ the other day that took up an entire page to explain due to my unhappiness/frustration over it. And yet I was still able to find a positive in it.

I really have to believe that the PJ is a positive thing for me all around. Even on the frustrating days, it’s nice to actually pick out something good that happened, write it down, and say, “Okay. This is the thing to focus on here.”

I’m sure there will be the odd irredeemable day here and there. (Such as the day where I was trying to get some stuff done and my internet was refusing to cooperate. That day was filled with – after – after – of me complaining about the internet, not to mention the generally negative remarks of things along the lines of ‘this figures’.) Such is life.

I’m sort of adapting it as I go along. I started keeping a ‘Stat Count’ early into it. Every day (or night, depending on), I’ll write a few things down to keep track of. They get their own positives and negatives. Being able to write down [+16,011 words written] one day was both unbelievable and fantastic. (That was during the writing week, where I needed to get that part of the story out. Getting that many words out in one day has its downfalls. Such as being so out of it by the end that I’ll be missing two words from every other sentence. It happens, and it’s fixable.)

I just think it will be really awesome to look back one day and be like, “Yeah, so that must’ve been one of those days where I did absolutely nothing but write. That must’ve been a great day.”

I’ve seriously been keeping track of basically everything, even down to ‘Wrote a chapter. S8, B5, C2 +3, 777.’ (That’s the most recent one, and it was done yesterday when I was recovering from all the dizziness. There’s no telling how horrible it is.) So not only will I be able to look back and know which book I was working on, but also the chapter, which will be exceptionally cool for the ones that stick out pretty far in my memory. “Yeah, that was a horrible chapter. Definitely not going to be comfortable when my mom reads that.” (I don’t need to write that sentence down to remember it, and yes, that chapter mentioned at the top of this paragraph is definitely one that messes with the comfort level. I’ve been writing a lot of those lately, seems like. Makes me feel like I’m doing something right, if it can make me uncomfortable.)

My inner ‘control freak’ must be having the time of her life with this. I can only guess because she tries very hard to keep herself quiet. (Doesn’t always work.) (Okay, enough of talking about some aspect of myself in third-person.) My days have been structured, and that’s more comforting for me than I can even explain. I’d almost wonder if that would make me more willing to step out of my comfort zone (which pretty much just requires taking ONE STEP ANYWHERE), or at least better able to handle it, but if my latest experience at the Post Office is any indication? Yeah, I’m still just as awkward and uncomfortable. Don’t even want to think about that, but even my husband said he could tell how uncomfortable I was, and he’s usually all, “You did fine.”

I do worry about myself sometimes. Then again, I worry about pretty much everything all the time. Take today, for example. I’m still on the first page of the PJ and there are two separate bullets about different worries. That’s me.

That’s basically it as far as what’s going on, but I do have one more thing to say.

I had an idea yesterday to start a new ongoing post, of sorts. They’ll be short and something I could for sure make the time to write up weekly. I’m not sure that anyone would want to read them, but . . . short. Enough said there, with how my posts seem to go (long), and a few people still read those for some reason. So maybe. I guess I’ll just have to try it out. Sort of like how hardly anybody checks out my Friday Music posts, but I still do them anyway from time to time. I guess it doesn’t really matter.

I honestly don’t even know what I’m talking about at the moment. Still not coherent.

Anyway . . . I hope everyone is having a great week so far. I’ll be working on getting caught up, but if it takes me a bit to respond to things, you can assume I’m playing Destiny. Or writing. Or working on getting caught up with something else.

kbai

Oh yeah, one more thing? I am pissed off about Master Chef. Just saying.

I have a new favorite. (Friday Music)

I was so excited about posting this video that I went ahead and wrote up a post for it yesterday. In all my excitement, that post ended up being all of 1,825 words which is just . . . not okay. This is me trying again.

(Keep it brief, C. You can do it.)

Sorry, I definitely needed a little pep talk to keep myself calm enough to write this.

Okay. I’m sure some of you out there know me well enough for you to be aware (either by figuring it out on your own or me telling you) that I can be a pretty . . . fickle person. I have a difficult time picking favorite anythings. My favorites always change with my moods (for the most part), so I sort of gave up on picking favorites. (At least one favorite.) I usually see the differences in everything and, no matter how similar anything might be to something else, it’s always like apples to oranges. (Though, admittedly, I do have a favorite apple. Gala, if you’re wondering. Is that ironic? Maybe.) I can’t ever choose. Something I love one day will be something I just like ‘pretty okay’ the next. So when I find a favorite, it’s like a freaking miracle. And when I get to the point that I claim a favorite, that’s not likely to change.

Even when I narrow things down into more specific lists, I still can’t ever choose. I don’t have a favorite superhero movie. (Like choosing between The Avengers and Guardians of the Galaxy is impossible for me despite them both being ‘group superhero movies’. They’re just too different.) I don’t even have a favorite Lord of the Rings movie because I like things about each of them (and dislike Frodo always). And what I mean by saying I can be fickle is that I can put all my affection into something one day and seriously just not give a sh- . . . erm . . . just not care about it the next. That’s just how I am. (Obviously there are a few exceptions, as always.)

So, as I said, MIRACULOUS when I find a favorite.

I HAVE FOUND ONE.

It happened in a similar way to how I found Geographer. (My favorite band, and one of few favorites that I’ve stuck to.) I heard a song, liked it, didn’t really pay much attention to it, and moved on. I didn’t even do what I usually do with songs I like (which is email the name of it to myself). I must’ve been being lazy that day, which happens. Then I heard the song again, and I sent it to myself. (I heard it on So You Think You Can Dance, actually. I have another song in the Friday Music archives that was also found on there. It’s: Daughter – Medicine.)

I woke up yesterday with that song in my head (the song this post is about), so I came out to the shed and listened to it. When I get to that point with music, the first thing I do is look up the lyrics. I could say I was being lazy yesterday as well, but I was actually just not coherent yet, so I looked up a video with lyrics rather than what I usually do. (That’s go to SongMeanings. I like reading what people have to say about lyrics.)

Listening to that song while reading the lyrics was like getting punched in the gut for me. (Also, hearing it on that show did NOT do it justice.) A lot of that might be to do with the fact that it made me think of something I’m currently working on. (Not currently as in this blog, but currently as in the book I’m working on.) That always gets to me.

It hit me so hard that I needed to listen to a non-studio version of it. I needed to do that because I was seriously concerned in one real listen that it was going to take over my favorite. So what I needed to do was hear what this dude’s voice sounded like outside a studio. Because, you see . . . Mike Deni (from Geographer)? His voice is flawless live. FLAWLESS. So I was thinking I would hear this song being sang outside a studio, be totally put off (but still like the song recorded), and that would be that.

Yeah, that didn’t happen.

I watched a video of him sitting there with just him and his guitar. My eyes got all big. My jaw dropped. And the feeling went from a gut-punch to feeling like a massive slab of concrete had been dropped on my entire torso. (Not getting into how a massive slab would only be on my torso. Not the point.) That was exactly what it felt like.

I’ve got the feels from music before, of course. I get the feels from music quite often. Different sorts of ones. And yeah, I’ve had a similar feeling from other songs, but never like that. Never. Now I must explain why.

Mike Deni’s voice is flawless. It’s damn near perfect. It’s pretty much perfect.

This guy? His voice is perfect, at least to my ears. This is what the perfect voice sounds like to me. I said, “Oh my god,” and, “I just can’t,” seriously about a hundred times between yesterday and today, all to do with this. (I’m actually not exaggerating on the number. I feel so bad for my poor Husband, having to listen to me . . .)

You see how excited I am about this? I told myself to be brief and this is 1,000 words again. (It’s not as long as the other one, and that’s good.)

Now I’ve hyped it up and I’m sure a lot of you will be like, “Yeah, I don’t get it.” Totally fine. This is all just my opinion.

But yeah, Geographer is my favorite band.

Now I have a favorite musician.

So I give you . . .

Hozier – Like Real People Do

Below is the version I’ve listened to the most. How many times, you ask?

Yeah, I’m not answering that.

 

Workplace Blog Hop

I got tagged by Charles Yallowitz to take part in a blog hop. I’m supposed to attach a picture of my workplace, talk about it, and then tag a few more authors. Most of you who frequent my blog have more than likely heard me talk about my shed at some point or another. Yes, I work in a shed, and I’ve actually had people suggest I write a post about that, sooooo . . . here we are! You can find a little picture of it on my Facebook cover photo, but I’ll put one here too.

This is my shed. ~~>IMG_20130718_111957_586

 

That bird’s nest is now gone from the lights, and my husband’s Monster can (removed when cleaning out the car and put there for some reason?) is no longer on the ground. Now there’s a different one of his energy drink cans on the ground on the other side of the shed.

 

Now for the inside . . . Wait for iiiiiiiiiit . . . (If you hear that in Shawn’s voice from Psych, bonus points for you, and me, and we.)

IMG_20140910_123743_606

Now, that might look a mess to everyone else, but it’s totally organized. And it might seem a bit weird in general, but it all works for me. From left to right up top, you have: (One of) My gun(s) (Yes, I work in a shed, OBVIOUSLY I want a gun out here), toilet paper that has been sitting right where it’s sitting for . . . an ungodly length of time, which was what I used before I got myyyy . . . box of tissues (needed both for crying while writing/editing (which happens) and during winter when I’m so cold that my nose is falling off), notes hidden under said box of tissues, highlighters and page dividers, notebook. Those three things under the notebook are pen holders for all my editing pens.

Just below all that from left to right is: A blue little paper organizer that you can only see the corner of. The loose papers are the questions for the video Q&A. Yes, they’re still sitting here waiting. A pack of pens that I got for when my neon ones run out (which I’m using in the Positivity Journal for now). Spent pens that I haven’t put up with all the other spent pens yet. My coffee, my bowl where I put out my cigarettes and hold the butts until throwing away (which I do about fifty times every night *exaggeration). There’s also a flyswatter, the pack of cigarettes I’m currently working on, and the one pen that I’m using for editing (until it runs out). (You can’t see a small thing of post-its for place-keeping (again, for editing) behind my pack of cigarettes.) Down beside the table (to the right of where I sit) is a stack of ‘extra’ paper (on a small table), for when I’m editing and have to add long bits. I use that when I run out of space on the printed pages. (I write sort of big . . .)

Then there’s my laptop case, which is a little bit broken. My knife. Don’t ask me why it’s here. Just makes me feel better to have it where it is. What I call an ‘inky pen’ that is used for addressing envelopes (and doing a few other things), then there’s Herald (my laptop).

That mess of pens near the bottom won’t be there for too much longer (depending on editing). I got a different brand a while back (because I want ALL THE COLORS) and they don’t fit in my holders. So there are those, waiting to be used first for editing (after the current editing pen is finished, obviously). Also a few neons for the PJ (and for writing notes on my hand). (I have a lot of neons because I don’t use them for editing anymore. Hurts my eyes.) An extra pack of cigarettes. Then you have my ‘ash cup’. Yes, I ash in and put cigarettes out in different places when I’m in here.

The only thing that’s not where it’s supposed to be is my phone (Penelope), which is always to the left (*left when I’m sitting, below in the photo) of where that extra pack of cigarettes currently is (at the edge of the table). It’s not there because I used it to take the picture . . .

So yes, all that might look like a mess, and it might be a bit weird. But it works for me. As long as everything is where I need it to be, it prevents me from having little mental fits about how things AREN’T WHERE THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO BE. (I’m weird.) This space is seriously, SERIOUSLY where I am most relaxed in the world. It’s my own little place to (hopefully) not be interrupted, and just get sh- . . . er . . . get stuff done.

(You also can’t see the lengths that were gone to to make the weather tolerable out here. Had to hang up copious amounts of blankets to block off my part of the shed from the rest of it. The AC doesn’t have to cool down the whole place, and the heaters don’t have to heat it up in the winter. Also can’t see a welding helmet full of spent pens, which is about half of my spent editing pens. Also can’t see a lot of other things that aren’t writing related.)

(Note: The reason I felt the need to clarify about EVERYTHING was because everything has its purpose. A pen isn’t just a pen. I use different ones for different things. I’m a bit . . . particular. That’s a nice word for it.)

(Another note: If you can’t tell by the handles up at the very top of the photo, there are all sorts of things in here. Hammers, etc. It is a shed. If you also can’t tell by all the weapons/potential weapons? Yeah, I’ve got a lot of choices for the zompocalypse.)

But yeah, that’s my space. My favoritest space in the world.

Now to tag a few other authors . . .

Jack Flacco

S.L. Lewis

Carrie Rubin

Linda Huber

Robert Tozer

Jason Swearingen

Apologies if anyone has been previously tagged.

Can I just say . . . I was super stoked to be part of this. That might be ridiculous, but it’s the truth.

kbai