It’s been several days since I blogged last, mostly because I haven’t felt like I had anything worth saying. I know I can’t be the only person out there who feels that way… (What am I doing on here again?)
I’ve been drawing a blank on ideas to write about, but I reckon I’ll settle for the most relevant topic(s) for me at the moment.
I mentioned on my Facebook page that I was trying out this thing called ‘time-splitting.’ I’m pleased to report….
I’d been trying to figure out how to balance my time for so long. It’s an impossible thing for me to do – or it WAS an impossible thing to do – while actively working on a book. I’m not sure if that was due to the way I went about it, in trying to split all the things I wanted to do into separate days (which never worked because I would always end up either writing or editing without stopping for anything but the necessities in life, like sleeping), or maybe because regardless of telling myself I HAD to do whatever things…I didn’t actually HAVE to.
Releasing Reave has done good things for me, where that’s concerned. I’ve got a ‘baby’ out in the world and feel I need to take care of it like I would if it was still only mine (only in a different way). I might not be taking care of it the way I necessarily SHOULD, but this is a big learning process for me and I’m trying to figure out what to do as I go. It doesn’t help that my anxiety leaves me absolutely scared out of my wits to be promoting as shamelessly as I should. That also might be due in part to a lack of confidence…
But time-splitting has thus far been what I would consider a success. I’ve been doing a massive edit on book 2 of the series (which is necessary because I haven’t touched 2, 3, or 4 since the beginning of this year), and I’ve been REALLY GOOD (for me) at responding to things. Apart from yesterday, which I spent thinking about stuff. We all need those days.
I’m not going to say I’m evenly distributing time (like I SHOULD be doing), but I’m at least figuring out ways to function somewhat normally. Balance. I’m finding some sort of balance for the first time in…….three years. Well, maybe for the first time ever. Maybe better time-allocation will fall into place when I get more accustomed to this half-and-half thing (half-and-half with working on different things, and also spending time awake on the opposite side of daylight than what I’m used to).
Yes, obviously my sleep schedule is weird for me right now (and yes, I know I’m always going on about my sleep schedule). I’m used to sleeping from around noon until whenever, so I usually see the sun before bed. Now I see it when I’m waking up and that’s thrown me a bit. I don’t adapt well to change. Usually not at all, actually, so…this is good.
Like with doubleyewteeeff to do now that I have a book released…I’ll figure this other stuff out along the way as well.
I’ll tell ya though…Christmas stuff is not helping me regulate my schedule. It’s all random stuff at random times. My Grinchyness is kind of overridden by the fact that I’m weird and could wrap presents … pretty much all the time.
Still, I feel in a lot of ways like I’m playing a waiting game right now. Waiting for my world to straighten itself out, and waiting to see what happens in the meantime.
I’m still working on some things mentioned in previous entries that could pertain to the last few sentences. The world-straightening, for one. Trying to readjust, trying to figure out what’s going on, what to do. Trying not to freak out so badly at the prospect of interaction (I’m not doing so well with that one). Trying to be more positive and realize that things…maybe aren’t quite as bad as they are in my head (it’s not very pleasant in there, just saying…). Trying to learn how to take good things as they come rather than digging around for bad that maybe isn’t there. I’m not successful with that all the time, but…I’m working on it. Even a small bit of success with that is a step in the right direction for me. I’m kind of taking things one day at a time right now.
I hope everyone is doing well out there, that life is cutting everyone a break and that, if it’s not currently break-cutting, it will start to do so soon.
I had to stop myself from continuing on with that. You’ll have to forgive me – all this ‘working on stuff’ has been turning me into a bigger pile of mush than I’m used to.