Home » Writing » Lions, and tigers, and sex sc – Wait…what?

Lions, and tigers, and sex sc – Wait…what?

Ah, the dreaded three letter word that starts with S, ends in X, and rhymes with HEX.

It’s not such a dreaded word in reality (at least not for most people under whichever circumstances), but for writers who are not Romance novelists? Oh yes, that word is SO dreaded. I’m not sticking all of you other writers out there into that little box with me, but I’m definitely in it and I know I’m not the only one.

I have to keep in mind that most of you who read my blog have had zero interaction with me off of here. I email with a few people. I’ve talked on the phone to one person a few times. So yes, the only way most of us all know one another is through interactions on WordPress. In a way, that can almost give you deeper insight to a person than you’d normally get – at least in my opinion. We share our hopes and dreams on here – our pains (not paints, way to ruin a moment with a typo, C), our struggles, and our ambitions. We share our WRITING. I know you all get me on that level, which is fantastic.

I’ve said on here before that I’m a pretty closed off person in some ways. If I know you, I’ll spill my deepest secrets (or the next level above the deepest) to you in a heartbeat. I can be a very open person. But let me give you a little insight . . .

If I did NOT know you, and you came up to me on the street and started rattling off about sex scenes, one or both of my eyes would likely start twitching. I would sweat profusely. I would be polite and say, “Hey, Random Person, this is somewhat inappropriate.” At least I would want it to come out of my mouth that way. It would probably be more like, “Whoa dude, wtf are you doing?”

That’s me.

I’ve written a lot, alright? That type of stuff HAPPENS when you write books, because that type of stuff HAPPENS in real life. I’m a fan of The Cut-Off. If I lead up to something happening well enough, I’m PRETTY SURE your mind can fill in the gaps. It’s my goal as a writer to make that happen. It’s better that way, I think (just my opinion). At least I am better at it that way, which . . . sometime you out there can be the judge of that, if you ever want to be. When writing Young Adult, it’s almost better to do it that way, again in my opinion. And I don’t want to feel like I’d be responsible for a crapton of sexually deviant teenagers running around doing things that they do. Hey, they do it, but I don’t want to feel responsible for it. And I would feel responsible, even if nobody ever accused me of it.


That’s how my brain works, okay?

There’s a part of me that’s not comfortable writing YA at all, as I cover a lot of subjects in my books that I’m not sure the younger end of YA readers . . . I’m stopping myself there, as I cannot say who should and should not (or would and would not be able to) handle whatever. But I’m less comfortable writing in the adult genre, in ways.

I’ll give you a scenario – it’s a truthful scenario that happens quite often with me while I’m writing (or editing) a book.

I’m sitting there in my shed (I have every intention of posting an entry about my shed on here, so let’s leave the shed at that for now), writing (or editing). Sexy scene comes up. I type (or read/write) a few words. I giggle. I type a few more, put my hand over my face, and start talking to myself (“Oh my god,” for example. “I can’t believe I just wrote that,” for another). I type a few more and giggle again.

It happens.

There are some scenes in some of my books that – I kid you not – will have me nearly rolling around on the ground giggling in uncomfortableness. I do weird things when I’m uncomfortable, if you haven’t gathered.

So yes, adult books have their downside, as The Cut-Off is generally not wanted or accepted.

But I’ll tell you something I learned . . . yesterday? Two days ago? The days blur . . .

I knew that I’d done a relatively decent job with the more ‘intimate’ scenes (not sex scenes) in the book that my editor HAS IN HER HANDS RIGHT NOW. I knew that I had because my husband’s response after reading one of them in particular was, “I felt like I was intruding.”

That’s one of those things where you think about it for a little while, and then nod your head in satisfaction when you’re alone. It must’ve been good, in some way.

I’ve never really felt like that – at least no more than I usually feel when I’m writing. I already feel a level of intrusion into the character’s stories that I’m telling because I feel like I’m telling the life story of some person that has no business being told. I’m giving words to their lives for other people to read.

I have to be honest and say that I finished writing this new trilogy last week. I didn’t want to say anything on here – partially because I’ve been busy (writing and now editing), and partially because I read on a blog awhile back that talking about writing prolifically can make other authors feel bad. I’ve actually been struggling a lot with both that, and the fact that I write full-time (without pay because I have no books released yet . . . give me some time to get everything in place and they will be out there, I promise). I don’t want to make anyone feel any negative thing due to what I’m doing, so I haven’t wanted to be like, “HEY, I FINISHED ANOTHER BOOK!” And then another one a few weeks later. But hey. I have.

Guilty feelings come to me again now.

So anyway, I had to say it so that what I say next will make sense.

I was editing the first book in that trilogy and came upon the actual first legitimate sex scene that I’ve ever written. It was torture writing it, let me tell you. I was pleased with it afterward. I thought I kept it classy (as classy as they can get). I postponed writing it for as long as I freaking could, let me tell you.

Anyway, came upon it when editing.

And by god, if I didn’t feel like I was intruding then I don’t know what that was. Well, uncomfortable, yes. But intrusive. I felt so unbelievably intrusive.

So, after getting through editing it and taking a few minute break afterward to try and fix my brain back into its normal – un-uncomfortable – mode, I sat there and I thought about it.

I’ll never be a Romance novelist. Not ever. Well, I can’t know that for certain, but I know for certain that I don’t want to be. I love the natural romance that happens between characters, but I’m not trying to turn love stories into the pornographacation (*ding* new Non-Word) of a character’s life. I will write and write (and write and write) about things that don’t happen, but I like my books to be realistic enough that the other things can make those unrealistic things believable. And throwing in a bunch of words that people DO NOT THINK into scenarios and DO NOT HAPPEN . . . Where is the believability there?

I’m not writing this to get into a debate about Romance novels. People like them, and that’s cool. I just don’t write them.

What I’m trying to say is that I learned, finally, that I CAN actually write a sex scene if I feel that I absolutely must – if the story, or the characters say, “Dammit, woman, TELL THE STORY!”.

And I’m proud of myself for that because it was such a freaking struggle for me.

But hey, I’m a bigger fan of the leading-up-to anyhow. For the most part . . . I think I’ll stick to what I’m good at when it comes to that sort of thing with writing. I’ll venture out of my box to grow, but . . . yep, done that. Check.

Sorry this was so long, but I haven’t been blogging very much. Pretty poor way of making up for it, come to think about it.

Anyway, if anyone else has had the same struggles – or similar ones – feel free to share. Maybe I won’t feel so ridiculous.

Hope everyone is wonderful out there.


Now if only I can get over the thought of my mom reading these new books of mine that she’s been asking to read . . .

12 thoughts on “Lions, and tigers, and sex sc – Wait…what?

  1. Personally, I think the cut off or aftermath approach works best for non-romance. The other genres can have sex scenes, but it can be harder to fit them in. Most times it’s plain lust sex.
    Never thought of the intrusion factor. Guess that us a sign you did a great job

    • I’m glad to know that someone out there in the world agrees with me.
      I feel like there’s just a certain language to it that seems . . . out of place in other books. I had to tread VERY carefully in word-choosing because I didn’t want to take away from the actual emotion of things, which the language of romance novels . . . DOES, in my opinion. I don’t know if that made any sense.
      I guess what I was trying to say is that emotion-driven scenes when written in a certain way can turn into precisely what you said – lust sex. Which just doesn’t fit in most of the things that I write.

      I’d never thought of the intrusion thing either, until my husband said something about it. I’m hoping it’s a sign of doing alright. I’m surprised to find that I feel I did okay with it. Crossing my fingers that someone else out there in the world will think so – at LEAST to the point where no one can tell how uncomfortable I am when writing that kind of thing. That’s the goal. 🙂

      • I’m actually having a challenge from the third book on in Legends of Windemere. A lustful relationship starts up, so I have to bring stuff to the brink of a sex scene. I have to make it known that they’re naked and touching without using the sex scene language. I always stop after the making out stage, but it’s really pushing it. For some reason I don’t feel the intrusion thing because one of the characters simply doesn’t care if anyone is watching.

        It’s really awkward when writing those scenes. I keep staring at the words and thinking ‘these two are naked’ as if I just realized it.

      • HAHAHA.
        It’s funny that you say you don’t feel the intrusion of it because I have never – not once – stopped and thought, “Oh my god, they’re naked.” Not about any characters who are ever naked at any point whatsoever in anything that I’ve written.
        It’s never even crossed my mind past knowing that they are.

        And honestly, I’ve never felt like I was intruding on a moment until that one scene, even if other scenes WERE intrusive (which . . . yeah, some of them are because I kind of get a kick out of writing them, if they’re not BAD).

        I TOTALLY feel you on the difficulty of characters who just don’t care. I’ve got one of those in the second on this trilogy I’m editing right now. She’s a freaking mess, and she makes things EXTREMELY difficult.
        I’m sure you get to the point with that sort of thing where you just want to throw your hands up in the air, but at the same time . . . if that’s how the character is, then you’ve just gotta do it.
        Well, how appropriate was that word choice there?

        Anywho, I'm feeling your pain. I wish I could help, but it seems we've got the same problem. Roundabout. LoL

  2. Everyone has their own thing. Me, I can’t NOT write romance, so sex is pretty easy for me. We all write what we’re comfortable with, and as you say, sometimes it just doesn’t fit. Go you for getting yourself out of your comfort zone though! =)

    • To me, that’s kind of like poetry.
      I always find myself slightly (or more than slightly) in awe of people who can do things that I just . . . CAN’T.
      That’s what I’m saying though – I have no problem with romance novels, I just don’t want to write them.
      That’s totally disregarding that my attempt at reading a bit of that sort of thing for research resulted in my eye twitching for a little while.
      I’ve got mad appreciation for it though.

      I think we’ve got to get out of our comfort zones to have any hope at growing. That goes with everything in life, really (for the most part).
      I DO enjoy being able to spit out curse words with my fingers freely with an adult book.
      Hey, some words come easier to you than others.
      I guess those are my bad words.
      Thanks for commenting. 🙂

  3. Pornographacation sounds like an awesome word! I can’t say I’ll use it anywhere, but I’ll certainly try to reflect on it as I read some soft porn book disguised as YA, which there are many of!

    • DOESN’T IT?!
      I was trying to think of a way to describe what I meant and it was the only thing that made any sense. I was using it along the lines of ‘bastardization’, but different, if that makes sense.
      I really need to make an entire page dedicated to all of my Non-Words, including definitions and appropriate usages and the like.

      If you’d told me that I’d use that fake word even three minutes before I used it, I would’ve been like, “Puuuuuh.”

      And yes, some YA books are pretty . . . um . . . surprising.

      But thank you. Seriously. I’m glad somebody out there appreciated my word. I’ve kind of fallen in love with it. Now if ONLY I could use it ANYTIME else . . .

  4. Great blog and I can see why you wrote it..
    But we are all adults…Why is this so Taboo, I mean it’s not as if none of is do it.
    Without the the world would rather boring…
    …And empty

    I know a few people who write Erotica. I think that is more a Woman thing. Where as men are more visual rather than imagine or read. I think so anyway.

    Good blog x

    ps: Hope you are keeping ok

    • Thanks!

      It’s not that I have an issue with sex. I really don’t. It’s just that WRITING about it is an ENTIRELY different . . . well, I had the end of that sentence typed up and just had to backspace it because I didn’t mean it as a pun and it definitely would’ve been taken as one. We’ll just say it’s an entirely different game.

      I don’t know. I guess a lot of women really are into that kind of stuff, it’s just not my thing. I’m not comfortable with it – either writing, OR reading it. But hey, whatever works, you know?

      PS: I hope you’re keeping okay as well. I’ve missed the bit of chatting with you on here while I’ve been working on these new books.

      • Yeah same, it has never been my cup of tea either, like ever. I know its a “Man thing” But never really interested me. And I am in agony but breathing… lol

        Good luck with the books…The hard work will pay off..

        Shaun x

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